The Sad Hawaiian-Style Celeste Pizza With One Pineapple And Many Hams

No one purchases a one-dollar frozen pizza expecting a gourmet experience. Heck, they don’t even expect the meal to look all that much like the photo on the box. When reader Kitanaor picked up a Hawaiian-style Celeste pizza-for-one, though, she expected to find more than one piece of pineapple among the toppings.

Or maybe that one piece of pineapple is all that kept it from being sold as just a ham pizza.

Safeway Says This Tiny Pile Of Sad Chicken Covered In Gloop Is Supposed To Be A Gourmet Meal
Consumer Reports Pits Pretty Food Packaging Picture Against Paltry Reality


Edit Your Comment

  1. Torgonius wants an edit button says:

    Is she sure that’re really pineapple, and not some funky piece of ham?

    Besides, pineapple on pizza is an abomination.

  2. DuckNCover says:

    I’ve had several of these. The singular pineapple is the exception but not by much. I think I have had maybe 4 or 5 pieces of pineapple, if that.

  3. Coffee says:

    Hawaiian pizza has slices of Canadian bacon, not chunks of ham. This this was a fucking trainwreck even before someone got all stingy with the pineapple. But it’s a $1 pizza…you should expect a shitty product. Which is why I buy $1.50 Totino’s pizza…that extra $.50 makes a huge difference.

  4. PunditGuy says:

    $1 pizza is $1 pizza. Can’t say much more than that.

    If you’re going to spend about a buck, and there’s a Trader Joe’s anywhere near you, try the pre-made pizza dough. It’s $1.19 where I’m at, it’s a pound of dough, and it’s damn near fool proof. Makes awesome calzones and pizzas with just a minor bit of effort on your part.

  5. Golfer Bob says:

    It’s “Pizza for One”. Just how much pineapple does “one” need?

  6. eirrom says:

    The pizza is also a LIMITED EDITION?!?!

    That pizza looks sad. It doesn’t even look good on the pizza box. I realize it is only $1 but WOW.

  7. who? says:

    This “pizza” is exactly why I learned to cook for myself.

  8. StatusfriedCrustomer says:

    OP should move the pineapple chunk to the middle of the pizza so that each slice can contain some pineapple.

  9. lovemypets00 - You'll need to forgive me, my social filter has cracked. says:

    That’s some nasty frozen pizza – I’d rather take the time and make my own, or spend the $17 at the local mom and pop pizza shop for a real pizza that actually tastes good.

    $1.00 for this is overpriced.

  10. Razor512 says:

    Only buy the zesty 4 cheese pizza from that brand (you get slightly more cheese (almost enough to cover the entire pizza in a way where you cant see the saucy bread)

    after that, add any toppings, and only buy it when you have a decent deal, eg 10 for $5

    Also do not microwave them, the foil pad that they use is crap quality, since the pizza is not large enough for the pad, part of the pad will begin to wrinkle up and smell funny while microwaving.

    They also do not gradient the foil on the pad (less on the outer edges and increasingly greater saturation near the center to counter the microwaves tenancy to cook the outer edges long before the center is even warm.

    overall do not buy it unless you get a really good deal

  11. Santas Little Helper says:

    How about a pizza with grapes!

  12. Memtex784 says:

    It’s simple the pizza is a limited edition. Meaning limited stuff.

  13. BigHeadEd says:

    I worked at the plant in Jackson TN when Quaker Oats owned the Celeste brand in the early 90’s. They would sell us stuff approaching end-of-shelf-life for $4 per case and I always bought them. You can always make better on your own, but it’s hard to beat these for late night munchies.

  14. jj_hippie says:

    This is the best headline I’ve read in a long while. Of course, I’m drunk alone on a Thursday night watching Boy Meets World (it’s the one where Topanga cuts her hair!), so take that how you will. But pluralizing ‘ham’ just makes me giggle.

    And no matter the cost, I feel like this pizza was somebody’s idea of a funny after a long day at the pizza-making plant. “Ha HA, pizza buyer. You think you’re getting 23 pineapples on this pizza? WELL YOU’RE ONLY GETTING ONE. SUCK IT.”

  15. kranky says:

    That is a sad looking pizza but I guess it’s worth a buck. I would wonder what kind of “ham” is involved there… probably the stuff that wasn’t good enough for hot dogs.

  16. JJFIII says:

    Never has a cliche been so appropriate “You get what you pay for”

  17. Shadowman615 says:

    Well, it does say “pineapple and ham,” not “pineapples and ham.”

  18. NewYorkNewYork10001 says:

    Okay, so how hard is it to get a can of pineapples and a 1/2 pound of ham from the deli counter and add them on the pizza before putting it into the oven?