Naked people on a beach is just fine and dandy with rural Wisconsinites up near the 1,400-person town of Mazomanie. But when those barenaked ladies and men start going off into the woods to perform the horizontal tango, or even worse, go at it on the sandbars in the middle of the river? Unacceptable.

The Associated Press (via NYT.com) says a particular stretch of soft, sandy shoreline on the Wisconsin River has been a popular spot for nudist around America for decades.

But now that Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources warden reports are sounding like letters to Penthouse Forum, residents say the outdoor intercourse is turning into a problem. In response, the agency says it’s going to close the woods around the beach to try to discourage the sexing.

“They were having sex right on the islands, the sandbars when the river was lower,” said one local, who owns property directly across the river from the beach. “People can’t understand something like that is going on. That’s a nice section of the river. I don’t know what fun they get out of that.”

Well, we can imagine a few ways they’re getting fun out of that, but that’s not the point. Nudists felt welcome at that beach since 1949, because of the liberalness of prosecutors in Dane County who didn’t care if people stripped to sunbathe. It’s a misdemeanor to expose your nether bits, but most district attorneys in that area don’t prosecute until someone causes a disturbance.

It seems the DNR isn’t having much luck discouraging those having sex in the woods and bushes, however, thus leading to the closure of 70 acres around the beach. It only takes a few naughty apples to ruin the whole barrel for everyone, after all.

Wisconsin Cracks Down on Sex, Drugs at Nude Beach [New York Times]

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