In hindsight, Marla would have been better off ordering a toaster and a toaster oven from anywhere except Sears. But she didn’t know that the company has entered the next phase of its existence as a massive anti-capitalist prank, and has now added an absurdist theater aspect to the project. At least, that’s the only explanation for some of the conversations Marla had when her toaster didn’t show up. First, they refused to understand that the toaster wasn’t in the box at all. Then, she received a call to come pick up her floor-model toaster at a store in Maine. Marla lives in Alaska.

At Christmas I ordered a toaster oven and a for slot toaster from Sears. I received the oven. The packing slip said that the toaster was in the box also. Thinking this would be an easy fix since obviously some mistake had been made, I contacted Sears.

They told me that the toaster was included in the package. I told them that it was not. They had me complete a questionnaire about whether or not the box was torn, ripped, etc. It wasn’t. They said that they would assign the problem to someone to research.

In the meantime, I still needed the toaster. I placed another order online. It gets bizarre here. I got a call from a store in [Maine]. The phone message included a woman’s name, she mentions the toaster, and says “we need to know if you want this.”. No phone number. Luckily they had called my cell, so the number was captured.

I called back and was put on hold, hung up on, and eventually got a voice mail. I said, yes, I want the toaster. Next day I get a call from the [Maine] store, they say it is not in a box, is a display model, and do I want to come pick it up. I explain that I am in Alaska. And need it shipped.

I received the toaster and there is a price tag on it for $22. I was charged $48. I contacted customer service and requested a refund for the one I never received, and for the difference between what I was charged on the one I did get, and the price tag on it.

I had to start over with being assigned to someone to research. Granted. I still have not received a response from the initial request. Now, it is past the 3-5 days I was told it would take for the second request.

They are a lousy business. Just lame.

This can’t be right. No actual profit-seeking store could function at this level of incompetence for years on end. It’s got to be some kind of prank on the shopping public. Be sure to enjoy this elaborate performance while you still can.

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