Your Feeble Security Is No Match For The Dark Side

So, Darth Vader robbed a bank yesterday. Actually, it was just a guy in a Vader costume. How do we know this? Because the real Vader would have sent a minion, or just done the whole thing remotely, using the Force. Come on, people.

Nevertheless, the media are having a good laugh at the expense of the Empire. Here’s AP:

Times must be tough back at the Empire. A bank robber dressed as “Star Wars” villain Darth Vader made off with an undetermined amount of cash after pointing a handgun at startled tellers inside a Chase bank branch on Long Island.

Detectives say the stickup man walked into the bank shortly before noon Thursday wearing a full head mask and a blue cape. The only part of the uniform that was out of place were his camouflage pants. And that handgun — no light saber.

Police say the suspect is between 6′ and 6′ 2″, though they’re really not sure, since everyone knows the helmet and boots add at least a few inches.

[Note: Yes, we know the title quote is from the Emperor, not Vader. Maybe it was him wearing the mask to frame Vader.]


Edit Your Comment

  1. Nodren says:

    it’s been a while since i’ve seen star wars but i’m pretty sure darth vader also has a quote that is something to the effect of “no match for the power of the dark side” so your title is still mostly accurate

    • the_wandering_monster says:

      [nolife]I believe the quote is ”Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.”[/nolife]

  2. JennQPublic says:

    I’m sure I would scream and cry like a little girl if I got robbed at gunpoint, but with that said…

    The guy in the background looks like a pansy with his arms up like that. The robber’s facing away from you, you can stop cringing now.

    • pecan 3.14159265 says:

      He has a gun. It’s not like that stops being a danger once it’s not pointing at you.

      • f0nd004u says:

        oh psh, it’s not like bank robbers actually ever shoot anyone.

      • The Lone Gunman says:

        Hate to disagree with you, but guns are straight-line weapons. Once they stop pointing at you, they stop being a threat to you.

        The reason you don’t jump a gunman in this instance is that you have no way of knowing if they are acting alone. Had someone gone after this joker, he may have had a friend or two planted in the lobby acting like a part of the crowd. The possibility of injury to another bystander also looms it’s nasty (and litigious) head as well.

    • Hoot says:

      Ahaha I thought the same thing. Looks like a bad movie extra.

    • nybiker says:

      The guy in the background had been laughing at Vader when he first arrived, so Vader just pushed him aside. At least that’s how the New York Daily News wrote it up today.

    • LVSinner says:

      Really, what a pansy that guy on the floor is. I have worn that mask before, you have no peripheral vision in it. They guy could have walked up right next to him Vader would not have seen him.

      Although maybe they guy on the floor is LSWROTF (Laughing Silently While Rolling on the Floor), thinking this is part of that Improve Everywhere and was expecting to see some Stormtroopers similar to their recent appearance on a NYC subway.

    • _Rand_ says:

      I’m perfectly fine with looking like a complete pussy if it lowers my chances of being shot ever so slightly.

  3. stormbird says:

    It’s been rough ever since the second Death Star was destroyed. All those lawsuits by contractors, the disastrous press conference (after reflection, Vader realized it was a bad idea to force-choke all those reporters) and the back child support was just too much. Damn Ewoks.

  4. wrongfrequently says:

    These are not the bank robbers you are looking for.

  5. Xyjar says:

    Let the dude keep the money, he earned it.

  6. Cyniconvention says:

    I have to wonder; If that was my friend, would he be like that dude in the photo, or would he fanboy over DV?

    …He’d go dude in the photo, definitely.

  7. Abradax says:


    “Yes Lord Vader”

    I really hope someone answered with that reply.

  8. GrymOne says:

    The ability to rob a bank is insignificant next to the power of the force.
    10’s & 20’s please.

  9. rahntwo says:

    In J.E.Jones voice- “I am altering the terms of my customer agreement…Pray I do not alter them further.

  10. Big Mama Pain says:

    I hope the people in the bank were laughing hysterically. Nothing like a little humor to spice up a run of the mill bank robbery.

  11. Torgonius wants an edit button says:

    Coming to theatres in Summer, 2011 – Point Break 2, a film by George Lucas

  12. pantheonoutcast says:

    That’s Jeff Vader, that is!

  13. David_NY_NY says:

    It is Darth Vader aka David Prowse.

    Since George Lucas banned him from Star Wars conventions he is hurting financially.
    Got to pay the bills somehow.

    Ha ha.

    • LVSinner says:

      No, George Lucas send a Cease and Desist letter to the bank and sue them and the robber, for allowing the use of his characters portrayed on a camera without his express written consent.

  14. cardigan says:

    If I were a teller there, I wouldn’t have worried too much. Everyone knows members of the Empire can’t shoot worth a damn.

  15. PixDawg says:

    I find your lack of cash….disturbing.

  16. GuyGuidoEyesSteveDaveâ„¢ says:

    Did he also bang his head on the doorway on his way out?

    I hope he at least managed to work a Wilhelm scream in.

  17. El_Fez says:

    I’m surprised to see him using such a clumsy, random weapon.

  18. DerangedHermit says:

    He was last seen heading in the direction of SUNY Death Star…er, I mean Stony Brook.

  19. Keep talking...I'm listening says:

    Former bank employee here…

    I would have pushed the silent alarm button the second he walked into the bank…unless it was October 31st. In which case I would have gone to a phone booth and put on my Superman costume.

  20. YouDidWhatNow? says:

    Vader: Put the money in the bag!

    Teller: I don’t think I can do that…

    Vader: Think not, DO!

    Teller: Uh, I think that was actually Yoda who said tha…

    Vader: I am your father!

    Teller: That’s better…wait, … …. dad?

  21. Paladin_11 says:

    Chase has taught you well. You have controlled your fear. Now, release your currency! Only your money will remove me.

  22. dg says:

    I’m waiting for the guy to get arrested and George Lucas to sue him for diluting and diminishing his trademark on Lord Vader, Vader, the helmet, the mask, for not wearing a black cape, and whatever else they can dream up…

  23. Grabraham says:

    I don’t know why everyone is jumping to the conclusion that the entity pictured is Darth Vader. It seems pretty obvious to me that we are actually looking at Chad.

  24. Me - now with more humidity says:

    Best comments in a long, long time… far, far away…

  25. runswithscissors says:

    Why is this on the consumeri- erk… ghhh… echhhhh… (grabs at throat)….

  26. The Marionette says:

    Unless he was rigged with explosives it would be easy to take him down. I have a darth helmet and it’s hard to see around you let alone hear things around you. Coming up from behind would’ve done the job just fine.

  27. toastydoc says:

    This happened only a few hours away from the San Diego comic con. I am surprised that this connection has not been made yet.

  28. CreativeLinks says:

    Wondering if LucasFilm is going to take the security footage, reedit, and re-release it to the public.

  29. Weekilter says:

    I can’t think of a better bank for this to happen to. Chase is pure evil.

  30. rahntwo says:

    I’m your robber, Luke

  31. HogwartsProfessor says:

    Wow, most of the time they don’t use a weapon and don’t even bother with a disguise. I’m not condoning bank robbery, but this is pretty good.

  32. AllanG54 says:

    Are we sure this isn’t really Dark Helmet masquerading as Darth Vader?

  33. MarvinMar says:

    The BLUE cape was out of place too, should have been black