That's A Bad Costume

If you buy this for your kid, I will report you to Social Services.


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  1. jaydez says:

    OMG… I can’t stop laughing at that. Who would want their kid to get beat up that bad?

  2. Cafezinha says:

    Holy Moses. I saw some lame costumes in the catalogue we just got in the mail, but that takes the cake. God help the poor hapless kid stuck with one of those. And it’s not even cheap! There’s not excuse!

  3. Bladefist says:

    Ben, it’s 3.99, this should be in the morning deals section. I’m in for 3.

  4. caveman1428 says:

    HAHAHAHA i saw this last night at the graveyard mall website. couldnt imagine buying it for $4 let alone the $30 not on sale! you need another kid dressed up as an evil soccer cleat and you’re all set!

  5. gqcarrick says:

    WTF kind of parent would but that for their kid? Answer: Someone who wants their kids to get the crap beaten out of them at school.

  6. ViperBorg says:

    No wonder it’s going for $3.

  7. ViperBorg says:

    Er… $4

  8. Jesse says:

    It kind of looks like Pac-Man’s swallowing his head.

  9. Jeneni says:

    When I was a kid, which really wasn’t THAT long ago, everyone had homemade costumes… but then it seemed that you could get a decent costume for $30 so people stopped making them. It’s refreshing to think that there may be a rise in homemade costumes again soon…

    • madfrog says:


      Yeah, me too. For a couple of years, we would dress up as bums- my dad has a a bunch of old clothes down in the basement that were great for this ( he’s a bit of a pack rate) and would take baby powder and put it all over the clothes to give the impression of dirt. We had a ball.

    • Garbanzo says:

      @Jeneni: Hmm. I wonder how many kids these days still do wear home-made costumes. I think I’ll keep score when they come around this year. Anyone care to join me (increase the statistical significance and geographical diversity of the data)?

      • snoop-blog says:

        @Garbanzo: Most of the time, home-made costumes are either really great, or really terrible, with no in-between.

        The best ones I’ve seen look as though they bought a costume from the store, but then added their own touch to it. When I was a kid, my mom would go all out on our costumes and they were completely home-made.

  10. CountryJustice says:

    I was thinking about how this relates back to a similar incident of my own childhood.

    There was a period when I was growing up where we were pretty bad off, and there wasn’t much money to spend on things like groceries, let alone fancy Halloween costumes. One day my mom, brought home these ugly full-body-sized playing card costumes (picture the Queen’s guards from Alice In Wonderland). It was a humongous, bulky, and clumsy costume and you couldn’t do anything normally while wearing it. My sister and I fought tooth and nail to not wear them, but we eventually acquiesced, and wound up having a great time anyway.

    Years later I looked back on that and realized my mom, Gahblesser, was simply doing everything she could to maintain a sense of normalcy. The alternative would’ve been to miss trick-or-treat altogether, but that wasn’t gonna happen on her watch.

    Man, moms are great!

  11. CRSpartan01 says:

    Sounds like he is asking for head trauma if you ask me.

    • clickable says:

      LOL, maybe that headpiece can hide the protective helmet that kid will need for the righteous beating he is about to receive.

  12. tundey says:

    It’s for halloween, right? So what’s wrong with it? If it’s ok to dress up in tights with a big S on your chest, why can’t a kid wear this?

  13. Ninjanice says:

    At least the soccer ball hat may act as a helmet and help shield the kid’s head as his classmates beat the crap out of him…

  14. opsomath says:

    Look, it’s a gimp mask.

  15. RedSonSuperDave says:

    Let me guess, this is an Irwin Mainway product, right? What, they stopped him from selling his “Human Torch” costume so he started hawking these instead?

  16. summerbee says:

    I hope no one tries to kick him.

  17. Quilt says:

    The price looks right.

  18. Munsoned says:

    (Adam Sandler voice): Hello, I’m soccer star man! Don’t you like my ball head? Give me some caaaanndy!!!

  19. Hobbes-Tiger says:

    Haha! That’s hilarious!The soccer ball helmet/mask is what gets me.

    I can’t imagine anyone letting their kid out of the house dressed like that, unless they’re looking to humiliate the poor kid. At least a homemade costume is homemade, I wouldn’t spend money to place a soccer ball on a kid’s head, no matter how cheap they sell it. Some cardboard and you can make some ears or a mask or something which would be better than that soccer ball.

  20. battra92 says:

    Not only can your kid play a boring sport but he can also BE a boring sport.* At least if they were dressed like baseball players they’d look pretty darn scary (think Furies)

    *I know a lot of people like soccer. Take a joke.

  21. BrianDaBrain says:

    Who would actually buy that? More to the point, who actually got paid to create that?

  22. Gopher bond says:

    Nothing beats the good old white sheet with eyeholes. No fuss, no inquisitive questions, no eay identification, just candy.

  23. Brie says:

    Agreed that most parents wouldn’t buy that costume for their kid. Clueless GRANDparents, however…

  24. Dillenger69 says:

    It’s not that bad. I’ve seen far, far worse costumes.
    I wouldn’t buy it on purpose, but if my kid asked for it I wouldn’t say no.

  25. RandomHookup says:

    These are extremely popular in Europe and Latin America.

  26. Trai_Dep says:

    To their credit, at least it included shorts.

  27. samurailynn says:

    I think I know what I’m going to be for Halloween…

    On a serious note – $3.99 for shorts and a shirt isn’t a bad deal. Buy it and throw away the soccer mask.

  28. Riddler says:

    Obviously this is a bogus ad. A real soccer outfit would require the child model to be writhing on the ground in fake pain while holding his shin after flopping.

  29. snoop-blog says:

    Be warned, any kid showing up to my door step wearing this costume is likely to get kicked in the head.

    Seriously though, if I see a bunch of lame costumes this year, I’m going to stop handing out candy. I hate it when a bunch of line-backer sized idiots with the scream mask on and that’s it go trick or treating. I’m going to start handing out nasty spiced jelly beans, black licorice, or necco’s to the crappy costume wearers.

    • CountryJustice says:

      @snoop-blog: I like the cut of your jib, sir. Neccos are the devil’s candy.

    • HeartBurnKid, creepy morbid freak says:

      @snoop-blog: My sister in law had two candy bowls last year — one filled with good stuff, and one filled with cheap-ass happy-face gumballs. The little kids got a handful of the good stuff, and the linebackers got one single solitary gumball.

    • RedSonSuperDave says:

      @snoop-blog: Just so you know, there’s some kind of Harry Potter licensed “Every Flavor Jellybeans” that have flavors like Booger, Earwax, and Vomit. I don’t know how they came up with those flavors. I heard that the Vomit flavor came from Jelly Belly’s aborted attempt at making a “Pizza” flavor.

      I’m just sayin’.

    • @snoop-blog: Dude, at least they’re wearing something. I always get older teenagers and adults in regular clothes asking for candy. I think I’m gonna take your idea just one step further: I’ll go get some of that gag candy that turns your mouth black or is garlic flavored or something and give that to the Halloween crashers. Little kids get the good candy, idiots get the bad candy.

  30. OPRAH says:

    Well, I say this is better than letting your daughter go out like a slut. Man, I hope I don’t have a daughter.

  31. bsalamon says:

    for 3.99, kids better love it

  32. MyPetFly says:


  33. Hongfiately says:

    “Silver Shamrock Halloween…”

  34. MyPetFly says:


  35. umbriago says:

    It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

    Child 1: “I’m a ghost!”
    Child 2: “I’m a witch!”
    Child 3: “I’m SOCCER!

    I’d rather go as jai-alai, dressed as a giant cesta or something.

  36. zibby says:

    One hardly knows where to start, but surely the cape is the cherry on top of this little crap sundae.

  37. snoop-blog says:

    I always wanted to be a vampire. No-shittin, I think I was a vampire at least 6 times, and one of my all-time favorite movies is Interview with a Vampire, which might not be a bad time of the year to put it in the netflix cue!

  38. ShadowFalls says:

    Wow, that is worse than the generic “ghost” costumes. The kid being picked on for having a sheet with two holes for his costume, could point to the kid wearing that costume and everyone would chime in…

  39. stang says:

    If anyone get this for their kid, I hope they have a sense of humor, and two kids…. One kids dressed as “Soccer man” and the other one needs to go dressed a giant shoe.

    Better yet a family (or group) of people go out
    Get one person at the “soccer man”, 2 sets of 2 with nets between them, and enough people dressed as giant shoes to equal two teams. Then play a mock soccer match in the middle of the road in a busy neighborhood.

  40. stang says:


  41. snoop-blog says:

    Why do I have a feeling the Consumerist is going to use pics of cats in costume for upcoming posts?

  42. Trai_Dep says:

    I’ll give a dollar to the first Consumerist staffer that shows up to work dressed as a cup of Perfect Oatmeal.
    I’ll give FIVE dollars to the Consumerist staffer that videos the resulting cat-on-faux-oatmeal carnage that Captain Duvel Moneycat inflicts on staffer #1.

  43. forgottenpassword says:

    These kinds of costumes are for the “special” kids. Where the parent has to go with them to every house to trick or treat.

  44. dangermike says:

    hey, alright! I’m totally making a costume like that this year. It’s so bad that flips over into sheer awesomeness.

  45. “Compare at 29.99”?
    Zoinks! Intrigued, I investigated, found one on ebay – 12.99 + shipping. ouch.

    More interesting though was this boy’s costume I came across under the theme “Slipknot”

  46. Ein2015 says:

    Thanks, Ben, for giving me a good laugh today! :)

    Is there a gallery somewhere of the worst halloween costumes (for sale, not homemade)?

  47. krom says:

    Hey! It’s Soccerhead!

    Someone should make a short-lived Saturday morning cartoon out of a bunch of characters like this. Soccerhead, Footballfoot, Bat-arm, Hockeyleg. They fight evil with their special sports powers! N’ stuff.

  48. John says:

    This reminds me of the “Robot Chicken” sketch, where the kid’s mom buys him a “pink” Power Ranger costume, you know, the “woman” Power Ranger. He had to wear and couldn’t get it off, because it was so small. And the then the local bully date-raped him cause he thought he was a girl…..

  49. ideagirl says:

    NOTE TO SELF: Next Halloween, recycle kids old soccer balls into ugly masks, sell on eBay.


  50. 17-A says:

    After seeing this, I have a sick desire to see a contest formed, asking readers to seek out the worst Halloween costumes being sold this season.

    Because, honestly? Halloween should be all about fear. And costumes that idiotic are scary. So, bring on more bad costumes!

  51. howie_in_az says:

    What will you do if it buy it for my nephew?

  52. To tell the truth, that costume is not significantly worst than anything I’ve seen on Smallville.