Sprint To Customer: "Are You Nucking Futs?"

Reader Pam asked Jessica if she could port her landline to her mobile account, prompting the Sprint CSR to respond: “No, are you nucking futz?” Pam wasn’t expecting an abusive chat when she visited Sprint’s website to research a potential contract extension, but Jessica unexpectedly appeared with advice that wasn’t just rude, but also wrong.

UPDATE: Sprint’s “Nucking Futs” “Jessica” Fired

Pam writes:

I’ve been a Sprint customer for two and a half years. The contracts on two of my three lines are up, and the third will be up in a few months. I’ve seriously thought of switching to another carrier, but now that Sprint is offering the unlimited plan and saying that customer service will be improving I’ve considered staying with them and giving up my landline altogether. Money talks, and Sprint IS less expensive overall.

I went to Sprint’s website to get more information about the unlimited plan. I’ve also heard that in some areas a landline number can be ported to a mobile provider, so I wanted to look in to that as well. How convenient that a chat box popped up almost immediately and a representative offered to help me! I don’t do online chats like that much, but on a whim I typed in my question.

If you were wondering how dedicated Sprint really is to improving customer service, take a look at the most impressive, helpful and friendly response I got back from the chat representative. I took a screenshot (which is attached) just because it was SO awesome and I knew that other people would want to know about the NEW and IMPROVED Sprint! Thanks Jessica, your answer told me everything I ever needed to know about Sprint’s new dedication to pleasing customers.

Thanks Sprint!

Federal law compels your landline carrier to let you to port your number to Sprint. The process could take up to 10 days, but it’s entirely doable. The only question is, why would you want to port your landline to a carrier that thinks you’re nucking futz?


Edit Your Comment

  1. cmcd14 says:

    Seems strange, Sprint haxed?

  2. tripnman says:

    That’s cucking fazy!

  3. cmcd14 says:

    @tripnman: don’t you mean cucking frazy?

  4. MyPetFly says:

    I don’t know about that. I vote either hacker or Photoshop.

  5. tripnman says:

    /em mashes his fat fingers helplessly on the keyboard looking for the edit button then wanders away looking for his drink

  6. DrGirlfriend says:

    Maybe it was Jessica’s last day. Although in that situation, I would have gone with the full-blown obscenity.

  7. mmbb says:

    Maybe Pam signed up for Sprint service under the name “Nucking Futs,” and the Sprint representative was just verifying her identity.

    –Dohn Joe

  8. Pink Puppet says:

    @DrGirlfriend: If it’s real, I vote profanity filter workaround.

  9. maverickuw says:

    Well, normally I find a lot of those sites send you a chat transcript if you entered an email address… chances are someone will look at it if it’s real.

  10. And the sad thing is this “jessica” person will probably face no consequences for her actions.

  11. Ariah says:

    Photoshop seems awfully likely here.

  12. Bramble73 says:

    Interestingly enough, when I was poking around Sprints website today for something of the same reason, I had that chat window pop up, and the name there was “Jessica” as well.

    My thought is that its a bot, not a live person, and Pam’s collection of keywords hit a response the programmer’s stuck in there that was never supposed to be seen by the customer.

  13. sprocket79 says:

    “Jessica” is Sprint’s name for all their chat agents. If you stay on a page long enough the chat comes up and it’s always initiated by good ol’ “Jessica.” Either that or “Jessica” is the only chat CSR they have and she works REALLY long hours so of course she would be a little touchy after awhile.

  14. mgy says:

    This is so awesome.

  15. lonewolf333 says:

    Maybe Jessica is a AI Bot. They do go crazy sometimes like the Santa AI Bot that liked oral sex.

  16. Do androids dream of electric sheep? Do silicon based chat reps fear virtual unemployment? Discuss.

  17. youbastid says:

    @sprocket79: Nope, it’s not. Just the other day I chatted with “Shella” and “Missia.” They aren’t bots, but they do copy and paste a lot of pre-written answers.

  18. K-Bo says:

    @sprocket79: Same with AT&T. I know it’s stupid, but it really bugs me to be harassed by Jessica every time I’m on their site.

  19. @Bramble73: Well, unless it has been fixed by now, your theory should be testable by someone who has Sprint since we appear to have the entire chat in the screenshot.

  20. elislider says:

    +1 for the person who coded that response into the database

  21. knacko says:

    That would have totally made my day.

  22. Buran says:

    @MyPetFly: Not everything is a fake, you know.

  23. InThrees says:

    Real, fake, correct or incorrect response on the part of Jessica, that is hilarious.

    Certainly doesn’t make me want to do business with Sprint, but I would totally hit on Jessica in a bar.

  24. kyle4 says:

    @male roof blower: Agreed. If this “Jessica” is just an A.I bot and this was a glitch, than others here should be able to reproduce the same thing.

  25. MercuryPDX says:

    Nope… no way it’s faked.
    Jessica and Carey sitting in a tree, T – E – X – T – I – N – G. ;)

    (My apologies for not bothering to find out what the exact font is. 9px MS Serif seemed close enough).

  26. marasolo says:

    Has anyone else tried asking the op’s question again? See if lightning strikes twice?

  27. Baron Von Crogs says:

    Thats way too easy to fake.

  28. MercuryPDX says:

    @marasolo: I tried. There was no chat button on that page, but that might mean it’s not available at 12:07am PST. I’m sure someone will try tomorrow or Monday.

  29. skitzogreg says:

    Just FYI, if you know how to print screen, then you probably are smart enough to know how to photoshop that text.

  30. kyle4 says:

    @MercuryPDX: Looks like this is a fake then. This should be the headliner instead….or a contest of who can photoshop the best line of Jessica’s response.

  31. sprocket79 says:

    @youbastid: Hmm… well I can honestly say I’ve always had “Jessica” when the chat window has appeared on Sprint. I actually just checked again a little while ago and sure enough, the name was Jessica.

  32. Macroy says:

    This looks shopped. I can tell from some of the pixels and from seeing quite a few shops in my time.

  33. dlynch says:

    first of all, a sprint CSR would have to be from the united states to make a comment like that. since we know all sprint CSRs are from india, this is simply impossible.

  34. geoelectric says:

    I do more than a little Photoshop here and there, and I don’t see any sign that this is ‘shopped.

    Judging by other places where they appear, the kerning looks correct on the characters (means it’s probably not a “kidnap letter” style text assembly) and I don’t see any stray “halo” pixels that indicate a sloppy cut and paste.

    That said, I could probably reproduce this in Photoshop. Easiest bet would be to type the needed text on your line (either in this or another chat) so you get it in the right font, then recolor text from blue to black. Since the dialog background is pure white, it’d be a pretty easy copy/paste job.

  35. @Macroy: I must ask: Which pixels look wrong?

    The pixels in the full-size, lossless image look perfect to me. The anti-aliasing with subpixel rendering is impeccable and consistent with Firefox’s default. It’s not Photoshop text.

    Now sure she could have hacked the system somehow. But I’m content to accept that Jessica has a mouth full of potty Spoonerisms.

  36. On the other hand, someone who knows how to use a Firefox theme might also know how to modify the rendered page. Can GreaseMonkey pull off this trick?

  37. hypnotik_jello says:

    @Michael Belisle: Or simply using the Firebug extension to edit the rendered HTML

  38. giblet says:

    Once I hung up on an MCI phone rep and he called back later in the day and left a message on my answering machine calling me a bitch. It was sort of unbelievable. Especially because I had caller ID and the guy hadn’t even bothered to block the fact that he was calling from his internal MCI phone number.

  39. surreal says:

    @skitzogreg: not true – my mother hasn’t even mastered copying text, so she print screens EVERYTHING.

    and in any event, i’ve personally mastered the print screen, but can’t even crop an image, much less photoshop one!

  40. Propaniac says:

    The vibe I got from this was that “Jessica” has idiot friends who somehow had the chance to type an answer under her name (like if they were near her computer and she stepped away and the computer automatically opened a dialogue with a customer) and thought it would be really funny to say something horribly inappropriate. Or maybe one of Jessica’s coworkers hates her and hacked into her username to get her fired. That’s just my guess; I find it very hard to believe that the actual employee would type that unless they wanted to be fired.

  41. Sherryness says:

    Is that really their interface? It looks like Prodigy Classic.

  42. chino331 says:

    I want to know what Firefox extension that is in the top right hand corner!

  43. tdarkdz says:
  44. tdarkdz says:

    that didn’t quite work out as I expected
    direct site [addons.mozilla.org]

  45. katylostherart says:

    programmed easter egg ftw!

  46. armour says:


    lol you have never worked in a call center have you? I did for a short period of time they have a 30-40 percent yearlt turn over in a lot of places and some of the things I’ve seen and heard nothing suprises me any more.

  47. Mr_D says:

    It’s not like she isn’t giving good advice.

    You must be nucking futs to pay Sprint money if you’ve seen the shit they pull.

  48. FishtownYo says:

    Are You Nucking Futs? Good god man, this is going to be the catch phrase of the summer! Catch the nucking futs wave now!

  49. Loker says:

    @dlynch: What? Sprint/Nextel has some small rollover facilities in the Asia region (none in India) but the OVERWHELMING majority of support requests are directed to North American based call centers…

  50. Jessica is obviously a David Spade fan. Which speaks volumes about Jessica.

  51. Loker says:

    Jessica is definitely an automated system until you ask a question….as soon as you say anything the bot asks to move the window to the top of the page and then you are connected to a real person to assist you…


  52. Doug Nelson says:

    Some teacher at the ESL institute in Bangalore is having a good laugh now.

  53. madcactus says:

    The chat box popped up automatically? Doesn’t do that for me. I have to click a link to get the chat working, and then the chat box looks totally different. Things that make you go Hmmmmm……..

  54. StevieD says:

    Reader Pam is employed by ?????

  55. Loker says:

    @madcactus: you have to select a phone and then sit at the plan selection page for a few moments and then it will come up on its own…

  56. youbastid says:

    @sprocket79: Well it looks like this screenshot is a sales chat, meaning she’s not a sprint customer. I was going through the actual customer service chat. Was that what you were using?

  57. Pro-Pain says:

    Please, enough with the Sprint bashing. They are no better or worse than AT&T. I’ve had them all, and they ALL SUCK! Fortunately for me, I have dirt cheap cellular service with Sprint I can sure live with $59.99 a month unlimited everything after discounts. Beat that with ANY other cell provider, I dare you…

  58. banmojo says:

    @knacko: seriously! the consumer should have considered themselves lucky to have won the Kewpie doll and move on. awesome!

  59. Loker says:

    @youbastid: It is not even the actual sales chat window…it is just the automated bot chat that pops up asking if you need help…if you respond it will open a real sales chat window at the top of the page and then connect you to a real sprint sales representative.

    There are two and only two messages that will show in that window…Jessica’s initial inquiry and then if you ask a question she will ask if she can move the chat window to the top of the page and then if you agree the page will reload with a chat window up top and if you decline the chat window will come up with the red text saying the chat is now complete…

    This is just another bs consumerist story and they wont even bother correcting the story that was not properly vetted (or even vetted in a half assed manner).

  60. ARPRINCE says:

    SPRINT always sends you a full web transcript of your chat session with a SESSION ID. You can always check legitimacy of this claim with it.

  61. Loker says:

    @ARPRINCE: Not on the sales support system….they never ask for any identifying details beforehand….

  62. Maulleigh says:

    I don’t know if I buy this. It’s so easy to delete the text in photoshop and put in new text of your own.

    I’m thinking this is just another finger in the Wendy’s Chili. I think Sprint’s got its act together.

    Color me skeptical on this one.

  63. This is stupid. If the Consumerist is going to post stuff like this they should at least post it with some degree of skepticism.

  64. MelL says:

    Does anyone know if the surcharges Sprint put on their invoices is supposed to vary according to the number of days in the month? I’ve been seeing my invoices vary by a few dollars recently, with no change in usage, and always going up. The variance according to time was given to me by a CSR, but that sounds odd to me. Does anyone know more?

  65. deedrit says:

    Really easy to photoshop that.

  66. KogeLiz says:

    seems odd that the OP didn’t mention anything about reporting this…

  67. sickofthis says:

    Yeah, I call shenanigans on this one. I just tried it, typing in the exact same query as the OP, and it gave me the automated response about moving the chat window. Consumerist needs to either check this out or delete it.

  68. Erwos says:

    Actually, if this is legit, my guess is that she was posting that response to a friend over IM, but missed the right window. I know our folks in India and the Phillipines LOVE IM, and this could be related to that.

  69. @ARPRINCE: this is true.

    i for one think this is ‘shopped. Sprint can port landlines it just takes longer than a regular mobile port.

    send us the transcript and we’ll believe you.

  70. sprocket79 says:

    @youbastid: I didn’t bother logging into my Sprint account last night. I just went the sales route and poked around on some phone and plan pages then stayed on the same page for awhile before the chatbox appeared.

  71. kyle4 says:

    @tmccartney: Thanks you. It got its page hits (I myself have clicked on this 12 times now) but this is absolutely false and if you read some of the Digg comments they doubt Consumerist. I like this site a lot (as well as all the Gawker ones, they eat up three hours of everyday and 40 tabs) but this story albeit hilarious is false and should be noted as such.

  72. Loker says:

    This is just getting old…the consumerist can not even be trusted anymore…

    This is the last time I read this BS…they made a mistake (sure do seem to make a lot) and even with numerous people verifying this whole thing was a sham they wont issue a correction…

    I hope Dan Hesse bitch slaps some consumerists…too bad I wont be here to see it…maybe I should use the time I used reading the consumerist to forget a few cases of pop on the bottom of my cart….

  73. KogeLiz says:

    @Loker: hey, at least they corrects the Pepsi thing after hearing both sides, though.

  74. ConRoo says:


    Agreed. Likely photoshopped.

  75. YANKEEFAN01 says:


    Or at least there’s a possibility it’s not. Let’s address some issues.

    1. No web transcript when dealing with this ‘Sales Jessica’.

    2. Print screen is much easier to learn than photoshop, i call bs on that comment.

    3. You do not have to ‘agree’ to move the window to reach a live person, I had a 5 min convo with ‘Jessica’ because i wouldnt move the window, sometimes the answer would be from a script, but sometimes it would be ‘nah, just allow pop us’ or ‘my bad, but we have to move it’.

    Don’t get me wrong, I love sprint, love love love. But I had the same issue with the Jessica chat sessions and emailed sprint with the print screens I took too. This definately sounds legit to me.

  76. failurate says:

    I love easter eggs.

  77. spinachdip says:

    @skitzogreg: Bullshit.

    Print screen is easy on a Mac, and it’s one of the first commands I learned after I started using Macs.

    Step 1. Shift-command-3
    Step 2. There is no step 2

    But creating a convincing fake chat window without leaving any Photoshop residue? That’s a lot harder.

    Knowing what we know, Occam’s Razor says this was an easter egg left behind by the programmer.

  78. I vote BS, doesn’t looked shopped to me though, but I could cover my tracks pretty easy if I wanted to.

  79. LINIS says:

    This may be the best thing I have ever seen.

  80. Loker says:

    @spinachdip: Someone on digg did a few with out photoshop residue….

  81. Loker says:

    @YANKEEFAN01: The first response Jessica makes is from an automated system though where she asks if you would let her move the chat window….it is an automated system up to that point and there is no real way at least from my understanding of the web chat system used by Sprint AT&T and many others for a rep to get in until the system connects them…

    she has to ask to move the window before you actually speak to a rep and this window clearly shows the bot never asked to move the window….

  82. dragonfire81 says:

    Being a former Sprint rep, I can vouch there are agents who do have that kind of attitude, I once saw an account where a customers named had been changed from John Smith to John YEEHAW Smith by some CSR that was goofing around. This customer was extremely upset.

    I believe most of the char reps are in fact outsourced so you may have been dealing with someone grossly overworked and underpaid who’s past the point of giving a crap. Totally unprofessional but that’s Sprint for you.

  83. Consumer007 says:

    Just for fun, I faxed Gary Foress CEO at his fax number 703-433-4352 with a copy of this article. Let’s see what happens :)

  84. Consumer007 says:

    Used http://www.faxzero.com. Pretty cool…free faxing on the web with pdf or doc.

  85. Kresnorf says:

    The deal is that there are real people on the other end of those chats. Sometimes it does get frustrating and I can understand that people would get tired of things at times but really if they wanted to keep their job then they never would have done this.

    This is a terminable offence and that agent would be removed from the system the moment that they identified them. There are no ifs ands or buts about it.

    Yes, you can transfer a land line number to a Sprint phone if you are Eligible and NO, Sprint agents should never ever be rude to a customer in that way or use inappropriate language.

    They know this but for some reason they failed to abide by these rules. Unfortunate, but there you have it.

  86. m4ximusprim3 says:

    @Consumer007: I thought dan hess was the prez. At least, thats what all the new ads say.

  87. @Consumer007:
    I’m pretty sure the CEO is rolling in his chair right about now!

  88. corvi_yallis says:

    I actually ported my landline to t-mobile when I still with them. hehe.
    The only downside is that you’d get telemarketing calls for awhile, even though you’re on do not call list. After 3-4 years, I’m still getting a couple every year.

  89. fyrechik says:

    As a former employee of InQ, this is hilarious. We’ve all wanted to say something like this to our customers, at least once a day. Just to clear some things up, the name Jessica was chosen because company felt it was a “pleasant” name. The reason everyone goes by Jessica is so Customers can’t trace you, it’s a safety thing.. And finally, we were never really Customer “Support”. Since we have zero access to anyone’s account or personal info….hell, we can’t even see the page they’re on….we’re considered “sales”. You’d be amazed how many companies actually use Inq….DirecTV, Bell South, Pac Bell, Game Stop….the list goes on and on. And every single employee believes his or her customers are indeed nuckin futz!