Geek Squad's Abominable Service Inspires Poem

Now listen to a story bout a gal named Moo.
Her display broke and she didn’t know what to do.
She took it to Best Buy to try the Geek Squad
The next month or so had her praying to God.

“It’s the monitor!” They said, so sure of themselves.
So she sent it off to be fixed by the Best Buy elves.
“Come and get it!” They called! She was filled with delight.
She brings her monitor home, but something isn’t right.

It’s having the same problem as it had before.
They said they fixed it. They said they were sure.
Back to Best Buy! She goes in a flash.
She buys a different wire with her hard earned cash.

Hooray! It’s fixed, albeit not right.
The monitor doesn’t make it through the night.
In the midst of her problems, she begins to weep.
Her computer won’t start. All it does is beep.

Back to Best Buy, for the third time.
She hands her computer to the Geek Squad slime.
“It just beeps at me.” She says with a sigh.
And of course the Geek Squad doesn’t know why.

Now her computer is sent off for repair,
as stuff piles up on her unused computer chair.
She waits and she waits for it to come back,
Before her chair turns into a clothes rack.

A phone call. “Hello?” It’s about time they called.
Her computer was back, and so ass she hauled.
She drove mighty quickly to that Best Buy store.
She got her computer, and bust out the door.

Home again! Home again! She arrives in a hurry.
She has a strange feeling, and she starts to worry.
She hooks up the wires, and turns her computer on.
Hooray! It works! She could burst into song!

But that’s not the end of this really long story.
The repair shop has the attention span of Dory.
All is well, or so it seems like it might be.
Until she tries to play her Sweeney Todd CD.

She ejects the tray, and pops her CD in.
She sits and she waits for the music to begin.
“What’s this?” She feels as if she could bawl.
Her CD drive isn’t showing up at all.

She sighs a deep sigh as she opens her case.
Then she groans when she sees what was left out of place.
Her blood boils as the repairman she wish she could diss.
It’s something that not just anyone could miss.

A loose wire was hanging. Quite obviously too.
Even a small child would know what to do.
She fixes it and sets her computer back onto the shelf.
“Next time my computer is broken,” she says, “I’ll fix it MYSELF.”

The lesson of the story is, in so many words.
Geek Squad is laughable. They’re not real nerds.
So unless you feel like wishing you were dead…
Don’t go to Geek Squad, find a REAL geek instead.

— Kristi Lynn Cobden


Edit Your Comment

  1. Techno Viking says:

    Very nice poem Kristi. I love it and congrats. Don’t go to best buy to fix your stuff cause all they do is mess things up. Instead of seeing the so called geeks, use google to look things up try to fix it by yourself.

  2. NoNamesLeft says:

    Quick consumerist, help me locate some eye bleach!

  3. Anticitizen says:

    Best way to handle computer problems is finding some young person who knows how to fix computers who doesn’t work a job in IT. You’ll get honest service and minimal BS.

    Mainly, that’s what I do in my spare time, providing said services. My clients trust me not to screw them over as Geek Squad does.

  4. Myotheralt says:

    what is that pic of?

  5. weakdome says:

    an unplugged Serial-ATA cable behind an optical drive? Which naturally you have to unplug to replace your… video card… right

  6. @weakdome:
    obviously. it’s gray though, so it will only work at 1/2 speed (I would recommend a red or green one for optimal reliability and performance)

  7. HalOfBorg says:

    It’s not that I want to defend Geek Squad, but if it WAS a SATA cable that was unplugged – aren’t they known for coming loose? Or has that been corrected?

  8. Jon Parker says:

    While I sympathize with the sentiment, the almost total lack of meter on this drove me nuts.

  9. doctor_cos wants you to remain calm says:

    @HalOfBorg: The cable came loose on the way home, or the dorkamatics at Geek F*ck didn’t check it (or knocked it loose)?

  10. ottawa_guy says:

    The CD Drive is loose…..brilliant work geeks!

    Best Buy has always been a crock when it comes to tech support, but hell they actually stood up on their PSP when my 3 year old laptop was a lemon…about 2 months before the warranty ended. I walked out of there with a brand new Sony machine! Woo

  11. kccricket says:

    @discounteggroll: It’s plugged into an optical drive, so I doubt it needs the full 300mb/sec (or even 150 for that matter).

  12. Hoss says:

    @Jon Parker: Glad someone else said it, thanks

  13. says:

    epic fail

  14. APFPilot says:

    This was the first article I saw when I woke up this morning and I could have sworn the title was “Geek Squad’s Abominable Service Inspires Porn”. Damn DST

  15. HOP says:


  16. demonradio says:

    Awesome! I loved it.

  17. Falconfire says:

    @Anticitizen: Ask you work IT staff. I know all of us freelance with co-workers on the side after work, and most wont even take money, we do it for the challenge.

    I stocked up my house with all the booze people gave me for helping them.

  18. AstroPig7 says:

    @ottawa_guy: Wow, that’s the first time I’ve heard of a PSP actually being honoured.

  19. easy2panic says:

    When I read “now listen to a story…” I imediately started reciting the poem to myself with the Fresh Prince of Beliare theme going on, it was pretty good. Good poem too.

  20. Pro-Pain says:

    Funny poem. And yeah, Best Buy is the WORST. They are a lousey company with ZERO customer service skills. They should be avoided like the plauge.

  21. Rachacha says:

    @discounteggroll: Oh geez, don’t be giving these Big box repair stores any more ideas. Pretty soon we will start seeing stories on consumerist where Geek Squad recommended that an Old man purchase the “New and improved purple SATA cable manufactured by Monster Cable with gold plated conductors to protect against viruses (because we all know that viruses hate gold)” for his P4 Windows ME box. :-)

  22. stopNgoBeau says:

    @weakdome: @doctor_cos: @HalOfBorg: The cable might have restricted the removal of the video card, so they unplugged it. Just forgot to plug it in. Either way, unacceptable, but just a possible scenario.

    It was much worse back in the day of the big IDE cables. At least SATA cables are easier to route.

  23. azntg says:

    Great work Kristi.

    I really miss the poetry reciting joints in New Orleans now… :-(

  24. @Rachacha:
    monster cable? come on now! coat hangers for the home theater connections, paper clips for the SATA connections. I can overclock word like a sumbitch now with little, if any artifacts =/

  25. B1663R says:

    That ain’t no poem!! you can actually sing it to the tune of “The Beverly Hillbillies” that’s freakin’ awesome!!

  26. Techno Viking says:

    Back to bashing Best Buy again I suppose. I don’t like that company after what they tried to pull on me. One day my computer just stops working so I to fix Windows XP myself cause that was the problem. Once in a while you simply have to reinstall a clean copy of the operating system. Anyway, I tried to do it with the command line. I needed several specific .dll files to get my pc working so I could move my data to my slave drive from the primary drive. Called best buy and spoke to a tech because I already knew which files had to be copied from my XP Pro CD, I just wasn’t sure on the specific line of code you would have to enter because they are in a specific order. I said if $50 was good enough, tech said yes, but the manager was there, overheard conversation and told tech to do it for $120. I said you can say to manager to take that price and shove it up down your throat. Went to my university computer lab, in 5 min had the info I needed came home and did it myself. Point is that that you don’t need geek squad, or anybody, everything is given to you online. Any problem you have can be easily fixed. All you need to use, is your head to understand what the problem is, but sadly many people still don’t understand that computer is just but a toy a very simple tool and fixing it is not hard. If you don’t know what the problem is, do research and ask, never give it to companies to fix it. Many people there just love browsing through your stuff like vacation photos and toying with you until you pay more.

  27. darkclawsofchaos says:

    now read it in a Dr. Seuss way and it sounds awesome in your head

  28. Aph says:


  29. pendletonh says:

    Everyone knows that Geek Squad only knows how to reformat your computer!

  30. Moosehawk says:

    Dr. Seuss that shit.

  31. I swear, we’re going to have to move back away from a service economy. The service is so terrible the people will now have to do everything themselves again, back to the days when many people dwelled on remote-ish farms and churned their own butter and so on.

    Funny little ditty though.

  32. ath0 says:

    With the amount of people in the IT industry, and the amount of people who are hobbyists, it still amazes me that people don’t already know someone that can come and take a look at their issue before taking it to the mall for service.

  33. pibbsman0 says:

    I still don’t get what actually happened after that poem. But if it makes the Best Buy bashers happy…

  34. cerbie says:

    @generalhousewifery: better yet, move away from huge corporations. Why did Kristi go to GS? If she, or someone close to her, got hooked on this site, there’s just no excuse. They exist to sell services to you, not to offer you the service(s) you are looking for.

    Credit unions, local computer shops, local restaurants, and local outsourced call centers, FTW! Er…

  35. firesign says:

    @Falconfire: maybe YOU do it for the challenge. the last thing i want to do with my spare time after work or on weekends is try and unfuck what somebody did to their computer. i do that all week. you want me to fix it? pony up the cash.

  36. picardia says:

    A friend of mine gets her computer repair by advertising on Craigslist for people who (a) have references and know what they’re talking about and (b) will do it for beer and pizza. College students line up to do this.

    For major stuff, this wouldn’t work, but most repairs? I’m guessing it would.

  37. thebaron says:

    I help run a small computer shop near Pittsburgh and we get lots of people who have been burnt by Best Buy. Their pricing and mistakes are both are outrageous. I might not know everything about computers, but I learn fast and will access resources to ensure I do a good job even if it takes additional time that I can’t bill for.

  38. 338773 says:

    NO ONE SHOULD USE GEEK SQUAD UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. I find their spy routine silly and would much rather get professional service. We paid good money to have someone install our computer. After the install, we did not receive an e-mail with information about our wireless hook-up that “the geek” said he’d send, our printer was inoperable within a week, and our e-mail sent 66 of the same message to recipients. Our same geek was 1 hr. 15 mins late when he came out the second time to address these issues. As a result, not all the work was completed as I had another appt to get to and was not about to leave this guy in my house. Called for another appt, was told someone would call within 24 hours (they did not). I called again, got an appt, and the guy was a no-show. The appt was cancelled without anyone informing me because we were out of the 30 day warranty. How arrogant (and very typical of Geek Squad) to not have the courtesy to call! Most of that time we were waiting for someone to come out and they failed to call when they said they would which slowed the process. I think they try to get beyond the 30 day window by taking their time to come out and lying about what they will do on their end (ie. have someone call). Right now, this is my second day waiting for our geek’s boss to call. Tick, tick goes the warranty clock. No way to run a business. I think they’ll go under within 5 years.