Complaint Remover is a special service that says it gets rid of “defamatory” and “negative links” on the internet for you:

The immediate goal of our service is to stop defamation by positioning links on the Search Engines and by appeals to law to remove negative information. We send cease and desist letters and if necessary, file legal actions against the perpetrators and Internet service providers contributing to the unjust defamation of our members.

Their site has an online chat function with a customer service rep and we decided to ask if they could help us take a crap all over free speech, and how much that would cost…

Hello, My name is Kelly. Is there something I can help you with today?

CLIENT: Do you like the 1st amendment?
Kelly: hy
Kelly: how may i help you?
CLIENT: I have a question
CLIENT: I wonder if your company enjoys the 1st amendment?
Kelly: We are in the business of removing negative information from search engines. If you do not need our services then I have no further information
CLIENT: I do need your services
CLIENT: How much are they?
Kelly: what do you mean?
Kelly: do you have negative links ?
CLIENT: How much does it cost to remove five negative links?
Kelly: it depends…
Kelly: sometime it htake moths to remove negative links…
Kelly: if you are intereseted
CLIENT: So it’s based on time rather than number of links?
Kelly: depends on how much work we have to do on that
Kelly: can you give me your keywords please
CLIENT: Does your company work on all of the internets?
Kelly: yes
Kelly: we remove negative links from all erch engines like
Kelly: google or aol, or yahoo
CLIENT: How does that work? How are you able to get another company to get rid of something that’s part of their business?
Kelly: we push the negative links back in serch engines
Kelly: so nobody will see that ones
CLIENT: So you like make new internets and push the bad internets down
Kelly: yes
CLIENT: My keywords are lolcats
CLIENT: I have a cat breeding business and people keep making pictures of cats with derogatory phrases on them
CLIENT: It’s hampering my ability to attract new clients
Kelly: just a seccond please
Kelly: ok
Kelly: wich one of those you want to be pushed back ?
CLIENT: let
CLIENT: ‘s see
CLIENT: this one is very bad
CLIENT: http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/ceilingcat9xd.jpgCLIENT: it’s from here: http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/01/24/ceiling-cat-is-watching-you-masturbate/
CLIENT: I have also seen it recreated in other internets
Kelly: an wich one is your domain?
CLIENT: FanciersPlus
CLIENT: Where pet lovers go
CLIENT: http://www.fanciersplus.com
CLIENT: We also need to push this negative one down the internets
CLIENT: http://www.flickr.com/photos/12943180@N00/296449700/

CLIENT: Not only is it blocking people from my site, it promotes dangerous cat behavior
Kelly: can i have you name and you phone please
CLIENT: I’m just looking for a price quote, I don’t want to get in your telemarketing database yet
Kelly: i cant tell you a price..
Kelly: for that you ahve tu discuss with my manager
Kelly: he will call you if you will provide me your name
Kelly: and your phone number
CLIENT: Ok, I understand, but do you think I have a case? Will you be able to push these disgusting “LOLcats” off the internets so people can find my cat breeding page?
Kelly: we can help you with that

I wonder how long it will take ComplaintRemover to push this negative link down on the search engines?

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