–> A man in Virginia who apparently likes to record suspicious phone calls captured a very funny 10-minute talk with the world’s clumsiest phisher who called his house trying to get his bank account number. His local news station reports, “Howard says he recorded it because he wanted to help people by putting it on the news.”

We love this call partly because of the war of accents, with Howard Beasley’s slow Virginia drawl going head-to-head against what sounds like a young Indian man— we like to pretend Howard is a cartoon basset hound and the phisher is a cartoon weasel.

Howard Beasley told the caller he was being recorded, but the man didn’t hang up.

The caller said, “I’m a representative of the United States Banking commission and by mistake we took $481 out of your checking account.”, says Howard Beasley.

Howard Beasley started recording.

Howard: The government cannot take money out of your account. So I know this is nothing but a scam.

For ten minutes, an extremely persistent man tried everything he could think of to get Howard’s account number, the man said to give back the money.

Caller: What’s your bank account number?
Howard: If you got it out, you’ve got the number.
Caller: Please verify me your account number.
Howard: No way.
Caller: Please verify me your account number.
Howard: No way.
Caller: You don’t want the money? You don’t want your money?
Howard: I don’t want to be scammed.
Caller: Sir, you are not a scam. You have no right to talk to me like that.
Howard: I can tell you to take the $480 dollars and shove it up your *** that’s what I can tell you.

The tape continues to roll as the caller spits out Howard’s address and threatens to pay him an unwelcome visit.

Caller: I’m just coming within two days with two FBI agents, OK.
Howard: Well, you come down here with two FBI agents.
Howard: I’ll have them same two FBI agents on you.
Caller: OK, you just wait and watch. I’m coming within two days.
Howard: Well, you bring ’em here. I’ve got a 357. I’ll put your name on it.

Another brilliant moment: about three and a half minutes in, his wife calls out, “Who are you talking to!?” right after he tells the guy he has a 357. Then she starts yelling at the scammer that her husband has a heart condition. We’re pretty sure the scammer had no idea what he was in for when he called this number.

(Thanks to Nicole!)

“Scam Scanner” [WSLS]
(Photos: Weasel: graham; Hounds: Chrys Omori and C Maranon; Goose: ~Sage~)

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