Verizon Declares Woman Dead, Stops Her Pension

Verizon can’t do anything right lately. A reader sends us a story from the Philadelphia Daily News about a Verizon retiree who has been declared dead by Verizon. Now they’ve not only cut off the woman’s pension, but they’re trying to get several of her checks back. Currently, Mrs. McCall, who had written to inform Verizon of her husband’s death but got declared dead herself, is still dead according to Verizon. This after a reporter from the Philadelphia Daily News called on her behalf.

    So I put the question to the customer-service reps in Verizon’s pension gulag when I phoned on McCall’s behalf.

    “If you’d screwed up Mrs. Seidenberg’s [Chairman and CEO] pension the way you screwed up Mrs. McCall’s,” I asked, “wouldn’t you have resolved this by now?”

    Eventually, a manager named Kelly told me her office would have no comment on Mrs. McCall’s outrageous case (or Mrs. Seidenberg’s hypothetical one).

    The Verizon press office didn’t return my call yesterday.

Well, that’s just f-ed up. We think the reporter put it very nicely, “I hope the Verizon folks get boils.” —MEGHANN MARCO

It all started as a simple goof by Verizon…[Philly](Thanks, Joshua!)


Edit Your Comment

  1. josh1701 says:

    Meghann, small correction, the article appeared in the Philadelphia Daily News.

  2. Man, I just had a guy declared dead this morning and it took me EIGHTEEN FREAKING MONTHS of torturous court appearances. You mean all I had to do was call Verizon?

  3. acambras says:


    Only if they owe the “decedent” a monthly pension check.

  4. Meg Marco says:

    The Inquirer logo at the top of the paged confuses me, whoops.

  5. scoobydoo says:

    Sounds like the “can you hear me now” guy needs a good kick in the nuts.

    Screwing around with an old lady like this makes me sad.

  6. JT says:

    “Verizon’s pension gulag”
    Thats just great.

    I crushed my mouse in my bear hand as I read this.

  7. I crushed my mouse in my bear hand as I read this.

    Loved the visual pun there tycho. I’m sure you meant that..? Poor little mouse getting crushed by giant bear hands, claws and all.

  8. Optimistic Prime says:

    “I’m not dead yet, I’m getting better.”

  9. NeonCat says:

    Sort of like Swift’s pamphlet war with an astrologer named Partridge, IIRC, in which he stated that just because Partridge claimed not to be dead was insufficient proof that he was, in fact, still alive.

  10. Mr.Purple says:

    @Optimistic Prime
    BTW that was a line from monty pithon and the holy grail.

  11. juri squared says:

    Can’t the network just peek in and see that she’s fine?