Verizon Wireless: “You’re All Wet.”

Katy calls Verizon Wireless when the screen on her Motorola RAZR breaks for no reason. The CSR tells her she must have gotten it wet. Katy points out that for this to have happened, an unprecedented miracle would have had to occur, in which her purse’s contents suddenly transmuted to liquid then immediately transmuted back. They strongly insinuate she’s lying.

When Katy accepts the fact that, at some point, the phone must have become completely submerged in liquid without her knowledge, she asks if she can get her numbers transferred off the old phone onto a new one. Verizon won’t do it, though: they now only support backing up from an online Verizon database of phone numbers. Charge? $1.99 a month.

Although Katy is amenable to paying this service so as not to lead an isolated and solipsistic cellular life, Verizon explains they won’t sell it to her, because there’s no way to transfer numbers from a broken phone. Katy suggests they use another RAZR as reference: the Verizon CSR boggles, insisting that each RAZR’s interface is as special and unreproducible as a snow flake.

Finish it all up by billing Katy for tax in a state she doesn’t live in and a service she canceled months ago, which she never asked for to begin with. Another excellent Verizon Wireless customer service resolution!

Katy’s email, after the jump.

Not that it’s revolutionary information at this point, but they have lost me as a customer as of today with their ridiculous attempts to charge for EVERYTHING.

First, my crappy RAZR phone’s screen broke for no apparent reason. They told me I somehow got the phone wet and that they couldn’t do anything to fix it. There is no way in the hell of their creation that I got the phone wet. ever. Their little indicator sticker lies, just like their customer “service” operatives.

They inform me that there is no way for them to pull the numbers off my phone and print them for me because Verizon has changed its policy and now offers storage of phone books on the Verizon database for $1.99/ month. They tell me that I can’t have this service, though, because it requires going through menu options on the screen and my screen is broken. They looked aghast when I explained they could always use another identical phone model to get the visuals for what they needed to do on my phone. The suggestion of an alternative boggled their minds. They claimed they could not do that, either.

Today I got my farce of a bill, which charged me usage taxes for a state I don’t even live in- although they have corrected the problem, they acted like it would take a miracle to refund the difference in taxes. Despite the fact that I have repeatedly tried to cancel the VCAST service I never asked for, I am still being charged for that. I finally bitched four people out in customer service to get these two things resolved.

As soon as I have a free moment, I’m going to a different company. This will doubtless result in a myriad of unforseen issues, but I can’t take Verizon Wireless’ apparent death grip on shitty customer service.