Inside Deepest Darkest WalMart

Admit it, there’s something mysterious, yes, even dangerous, about a person who actually works at WalMart. What dark secrets must they hold? What evil lurks behind the service counter of America’s largest retailer?

This morning I got acquainted with Walmart via Behind the Counter, a blog penned by a service counter employee. I was ready to learn, and oh boy, did I!

Why do the prices on the shelves never match the price at the register? Is it a conspiracy?

“I truly do not believe that the company purposefully advertises merchandise at one price on the shelf and deliberately has them ring up at another, higher price at the register. This implies planning, coordination and intelligence, all of which are in VERY short supply at any Wal-Mart.”

What do those “codes” over the loudspeaker really mean?

“If you’re ever in a Wal-Mart, and you hear the phrase “CODE RED” at location XXXX and you’re not faint of heart, head that way for some good spectacle.CODE RED is for a fire. And we had us a genuine CODE RED on Sunday morning.”

More! More!

“CODE WHITE is an injury. CODE ADAM is a lost child CODE ORANGE is chemical spill. There are other codes for a shooting/firearm, a hostage and severe weather. If you hear BLACK, GREEN or BLUE, it might be a good plan to run the other way. I forget the exact order. I think BLACK is shooting, GREEN is hostage and BLUE is severe weather.”

And, to top it all off, there’s this sentence:

“He screams at me “I want a manager. I want the one that looks like Harrison Ford (yes, one does bear a passing resemblance). I want him here right (expletive) now.”

A WalMart Manager who looks like Harrison Ford? Check out Behind the Counter, it’s all your dreams come true.

(Thanks, Douglas!)