Inspired by our Verizon 100 Free Anytime Minutes investigation, George called up to try and apply. He’s got two Verizon accounts and pays at least $200, so he should be eligible, right?

Not so, as he didn’t receive the mailer, says Verizon. Well how do I get the minutes then, asks George. Receive the mailer, says Verizon.

So look, forget this 100 Free Anytime minutes. It’s only for certain special customers who got a “thank you” mailed to them. The rest of you are thankless and without merit.

George’s letter, inside.

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George writes:

“OK, so I’m on with a Verizon Wireless CSR now. I have two accounts with VW, and pay no less than $200 a month

Not all people who spend money with Verizon get the Thank you. According to customer service rep Dan (ext. 3602, Meriden, CT, call center), to be eligible for the 100 minutes, you have to be in a plan of $55 per month or more.

I am, I tell him, and give him the account that is $79/month.

Well, you didn’t receive the mailing, he said.

I know, I said, what do I have to do as a customer to be eligible to receive the mailing?

I’ll check, he said. And so he does, and he comes back with this incisive response:

He tells me I have to be in a plan that is at least $55/month. AND I have to receive the mailing.

So we’re back to square one.

What, I ask him again, do I have to do to receive the mailing?

Well, not all of our customers get the mailing.

I understand that, what do I have to do? What actions can I take? I ask him.

You don’t have to do anything, he said. Just receive the mailing and you’re eligible.

And it went on like this for some time. During the conversation I learned that one of my accounts is actually no longer in contract (ah hah, so I can switch to another service with no penalty!). I ask him if it is worth 100 free minutes to keep me as a customer, and he says he can’t do anything about it.

Would that I had time to pursue this up a level of CSR, but alas, I’m a working stiff who had to get back to work. But now that I know my options for one account are open, I have to evaluate whether leaving Verizon with one line (at no charge) is worth the price of paying for cell to cell calls, or whether I should leave with both lines is the price of cell to cell calls is greater than $175 for the year.

And, what’s worse, is I suck at math.

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