Wi-Fi Or Die in The Tea Lounge

In the ongoing saga of The Consumerist adventures in daylight, today finds us pecking away in a corner at The Tea Lounge. Also, destroying children’s hopes and dreams.

We found a nook in the corner, behind the Pacman/Galaga table whose perfection is only marred when the Park Slope international stroller patrol marches in. The mothers gather in one spot to get their caffeine fix and discuss organic schools and free-range paninis or whatever, and the tykes immediately shoot for the Pacman. (Children boast a sixth sense for nearby video games.)

At first we’re amused by the base display of humanity, but that quickly wanes in the face of fights and crying and proto-one-upmanship amongst the four little morning glories–their lack of quarters notwithstanding.

The mothers whisk through, delivering quiet foreign words, to no effect. The kids’ behavior grows more riotous. We suppress an urge to help one girl up onto the stool or to give them quarters. No, they must learn early of life’s essential misery.

We can’t think. We can’t type. Nearby patrons cast looks at the squad. Minutes pass. We need to get work done.

So we reach over and pull the plug on the Pacman console. Bwoooop. Deprived of audio/visual stimuli, the brood peels off. Score one for the humbug.

Previously: WiFi or Die, Perhaps the Latter, Barnes & Noble & Starbucks


Edit Your Comment

  1. ModerateSnark says:

    I’m only guessing from way over here in the Midwest, but maybe “quiet spot with free Wi-Fi in New York” is just a wordy oxymoron.

  2. Gari N. Corp says:

    The Tea Lounge is evil that way. You should take a look and see if Union Hall has wi-fi yet. Alternatively you could try Gorilla Coffee on Fifth and Park. Much less childed. You have my sympathies, although it’s pretty common knowledge that Tea Lounge is bad shit.

  3. Ishmael says:


    Kudos, sir!

  4. spinachdip says:

    I find that the quietest wifi spots in my neighborhood (Lower East Side) outside my apartment are my neighborhood bars. There’s hardly anyone there during the day and the signal come in strong. Yeah, you’ll have to replace your coffee fix with beer, but caffeine’s just as bad as alcohol, right?

    But aren’t pampered children in Park Slope the equivalent of dirt in Central Park? Kinda comes with the territory.

  5. Ben Popken says:

    @Gari: I will check out Gorilla, I like their coffee. I only wish they served stuff more substantive than muffins. Man’s gotta have his bagel with cream cheese.

    @Moderate: It’s fine if it’s noisy, just as long as I can turn up my headphones and zone it out. If Blues Traveler’s acoustic whimperings still seep through, then we have a problem.

  6. mark duffy says:

    Staring death in the face via sippy-cup beating. Brave blogger.

  7. Hahaha. Did you really pull the plug? I’m surprised that didn’t cause a kiddie uproar.

    I’ve tried doing work at the Tea Lounge myself, and between the speakers blaring too loud by the “good” table (the long one in the corner) and of course all the little monkeys running around, it’s nigh unto impossible.

    Though at the time I did not have my over-the-ear headphones that do a pretty good job at blocking noise.