Branding is everywhere, billboards, sky-writing and even in your pants (check the label, bub). Always seeking new ways to expand message penetration, companies have turned to sponsoring buildings, such as the Pepsi Center and Coors Field. The field of viable sports venues depleted, corporations have turned to the next killing field: hospitals!

The Columbus Children’s Hospital announced last month it’s going to dub its new emergency department the Abercrombie & Fitch Trauma Center, in honor of a $10 million grant the clothier made.

Gawwwwwd, the jokes just write themselves. Will the hot, heaving spawn of the Aryan nation suture up gun wounds inflicted by the middle-school fashion mafia? Will shirtless boy wonders fish out melted crayons from tiny spleens, using only the power of their doleful gaze?

The crossover potential for A&F’s characteristically risque catalog is enormous. Jason’s doing it for the kids in a hand-knit denim hot pants, Supersoft, 100% cotton, soft peached elastic waistband, Vintage Abercrombie Wash, Classic Fit, Imported.

To be fair, the naming isn’t entirely inappropriate. Lots of people are traumatized by A&F.

“$10 Million A&F Gift Benefits Columbus Children’s Hospital” [Press Release]

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