Anyone ever noticed that the companies that offer the best customer service are always the ones that almost no one will ever have to call because they’re just too damn good? For example, Moen — a company that makes chrome kitchen faucets and other long-lasting plumbing fixtures.

Carl’s Moen faucet was not regurgitating water with the same deluge and aplomb he had come to expect over the past 22 years, so he bought a $19 replacement cartridge, and just couldn’t get the damn thing to click into place.

I saw that the Moen package contained a toll-free customer help line, and I called, wondering what kind of service I would get on a Saturday. The automated system took my phone number and name, and said a technician would call me in about 38 minutes. I really didn’t expect much, but I hung up and did other chores while I waited.

Lo and behold, in about 30 minutes, I received a callback from a real person. I’m afraid I was so shocked that I didn’t think to record this helpful fellow’s name. I talked him through what I had done and the problem I was having. After asking me a few questions about my faucet model, he described the technique needed to replace the lever. He said not to worry, I had done everything right, and that he even gets calls from professional plumbers who experience the same problem. He told me to just keep trying the technique he described, and that eventually I’d “feel” it go on correctly.

I reluctantly hung up, and after about a half-dozen attempts, I indeed did “feel” the part slip into its proper place. Mission accomplished. We need more companies like this. I’ll certainly consider Moen first when I need plumbing supplies.

A competent CSR who fulfills a promise, works Saturdays and has genuine expertise? It’s like we rolled out of bed this morning through a wormhole into Fairyland. Moen should outsource their call center to AOL, Comcast and the like.

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