If your Beverly Hills infant can’t put one of your massive silicon jugs in its mouth without unhinging its jaw, it may be time to consider a pacifier. This will cease its incessant wailing as you dodge paparazzi in your Ferrari or pose naked for glamour shoots. But what self-respecting MILF would give her post-embryonic pimpfant anything less than a diamond encrusted binky?

Described as “the newest trend in celebrity baby gifting,” the Solid White Gold Diamond Binky pacifiers “can be customized with colored diamonds and engraved with baby’s name or initial, birth date or birth weight. Though we do not recommend actual use, the Diamond pacifier makes a fabulous, upscale keepsake and will become a new classic to that of bronzing baby shoes!”

While starving African villages erupt into ghoulish orgies of cannibalism, what better way to indulge your baby’s sense of tacky entitlement and growing instinct for ceaseless attention whoring? And all for the low, low price of $17,000.00. Thanks, Catherine!

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Diamond Pacifier [itsmyBinky.com]
Previously: Sicko Pimpfants

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