Sicko Pimpfants

Ever wish your baby had more bling? Jared Parsons, “a former skateboarder…was shopping for clothes for his first son, who’s now 5 and quite a fashion plate. “I wanted him to dress how me and my friends dress,” Parsons said, “but it’s hard to find baby clothes like that,” reports the Boston Herald.

And thus, he birthed Pimpfants, the banal apparel version of Rosemary’s Welfare Check Baby.

Most of the threads are just boring crap… basketball outfits that say “Jr. Pimp Squad” and junior-sized velour track suits with BLING across the chest, but the line is really crossed on the “Lil’ Beaters” (as in, wife-beater hirt) that read “My Mommy’s a M.I.L.F.”

That’s perverse. Not to mention, redundant.

Yes, we know this site hit the interweb last month, but we didn’t get outraged until today. We’re saturnine like that.

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(Thanks to Sebastien!)


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  1. ModerateSnark says:

    If I was inclined to help his business, I’d suggest he print shirts with

    “I’m a Bad Boy. Whatcha gonna do?”

    but I’m not, so I won’t.

    Of course, I’d also suggest he carry “Look like Mr. T” baby mohawk kits, so what do I know?

  2. I understand what the “My Mommy’s a MILF” is trying to say, but when you expand the acronym, things get a little disturbing:

    “My Mommy’s A Mother I’d Like To Fuck.”

    Of course, “MYLF” doesn’t have quite the same cachet.

  3. mark duffy says:

    Still not as bad as the aging Sex Pistol parents here in NYC dressing their babies in onesy punk rock Ts.

  4. PR Flack Brian says:

    I can only hope that he also makes a line of little plastic play cars that have cute little rust decals and missing wheels on them so that the white trash that buy these clothes can also decorate their lawns in similar fashion.

  5. Rick Dobbs says:

    They should also have a battery-powered ’86 Mercury Marquis with spinners that kids can ride in, Power Wheels style.

    Okay, so the Pimpfants site sucks ass. At least I learned what “saturnine” means. But how is it you absorbed lead?

  6. homerjay says:

    They may as well just print one up that says “Future Drive-By Victim”

  7. RandomHookup says:

    How about a T-shirt that reads “Who’s my Daddy?”

  8. seronia says:

    There are alot of things to get pissed off about now-a-days but My mommie’s a milf isn’t one of them. Think of it this way. My husband wanted to get that shirt for our son. You know why? It’s not to advertise me but to pay me a great compliment. It also says something about my beautiful baby. It says the apple doesnt fall far from the tree. Another thing is that alot of people don’t really understand the language used by the younger generation. Being a pimp anymore isn’t actually being a pimp. Its concidered being cool. It’s like saying something is dope back in the 90’s and think about it being “cool” is also a slang word.
    I do agree however that they need to come up some some fashion freindly clothing lines. The selection wasnt great.

  9. seronia says:

    WOW!! do you all sound like my grandperants! Here’s the deal. the word milf wasnt put into expanded form for a reason. MILf is now a saying scince the coming out the the american pie movies. It’s being taken literally as it should not, but also the word pimp. The word pimp doesn’t mean that your’e actually a pimp anymore. being a pimp means being cool. Once you think about it what does the word cool really mean? It’s now widely used as a slang word. I wonder what my grandperants thought about that when the kids first started using it?
    My husband wanted to buy that shirt for my son and it wasnt because he wanted to auction me off. It pretty much means beautiful. Not only that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree is a way of showing off my beautiful baby boy.
    Now onto the subject of white trash. I have a high interest in this clothing because it’s fun. I would like to sound like I’m not living in a trailer somewhere in arkansas and I’m not. The fact is that I’m an award winning straight A and B student living in a upper end apartment in California earning 2 degrees at this point in time in spanish and small business ownership. OH it doesnt stop there folks. Im a biblical scholar in the process of studying mary magdelene’s “misplaced” gnostic gospel. I would do away with the white trash talk. It’s not right to stereotype people that you don’t know. The fact is that if you dont like the product don’t buy it but live and let live. I would hope that you all are responsible in agreeing?

  10. Ozz says:

    No, I’m pissed off that so many parents care more about what fashions their have rather bringing them up with values and brains.
    Decency, what is it anymore? I don’t see much of it around. Its bad enough that 13 – 20-somethings dress like pimps and hoes now we have young children doing it. Some might think what’s next? Thongs for kids? Too late. I’ve seen them on the rack.

    Just because you are an award winning straight A and B student living in a upper end apartment in California earning 2 degrees at this point in time in spanish and small business ownership doesn’t give you the latitude to be rude and crude in public or allow you kids to be that way.

    If you see someone dressed liek a Fireman, it’s safe to assume he/she is a Fireman.
    If you see someone dressed like a Policeman, it’s safe to assume he/she is a policeman.
    If I see someone dressed like a doctor, it’s safe to assume he/she is a doctor.
    If I see a woman dressed like a ho…?
    If I see a guy dressed like a bum…?
    The clothes do make the man/woman and the same goes for kids. Kids are kids, not fashion statements.

  11. harmgb says:

    Pimps are pimps. If you are into being a
    slaveowner, I guess “pimp” could be considered
    cool, but I consider myself law-abiding and
    respectful of others.