Chocolate Makes You More Depressed

From the ‘Morning Bummer’ department, I have an unfortunate cousin who is trapped in that infinitely recursive cycle of eating that happens when you eat because you are depressed and you are depressed because you’re fat. Weighing upwards of four bills, the woman will often come home from work, climb into bed and eat two full bags of Doublestuffed Oreos while watching television in a gloomy bedroom. She’s this really great, vivacious, knee-slapping personality, making it all even sadder that she could easily be featured as the mascot of Fat Chicks in Party Hats.

But it looks like eating too much chocolate might make my cousin depressed in more ways than one. Obviously, there’s a bit of a contradiction in eating to medicate yourself against the depression of being morbidly obese, but it turns out that chocolate is actually a depressive to boot. A team of psychiatrists just discovered that any uplifting effects of chocolate are pretty much limited to the anticipation and the taste, but the carbohydrates in chocolate actually prolong depression.

So if you like to eat chocolate when you’re depressed, better switch to booze like me. Stat!

Chocolate is Cold Comfort [Mind Hacks]


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  1. Mary Marsala With Fries says:

    It makes perfect sense — Depression likes to feed itself. So of course depressed people crave junk food. There’s a reason depressed people don’t have the burning desire for comedy flicks and upbeat company when they’re feeling down…nooo, they want to turn the lights off and listen to the first Chevelle album over and over. Part of the 3v1l of depression is its amazing ability to convince you to do things that keep it getting worse. Imagine getting a migraine, and one of the symptoms is an uncontrollable desire to stare at bright lights and hit yourself in the head with your shoes. It’s no fun. -M.

  2. Transuranic says:

    Hey, Mindhacks and Cons’ist, thanks for tainting one of the few pure joys of my life… I did’nt have to feel guilty about chorfing that entire (“I had to buy it, it was on sale”) frozen Sara Lee triple-layer-of-deliciousness cake over the course of a couple difficult nights this week – until now! Just, try not to harsh on my coffee buzz anytime soon, mkay?

  3. AcidReign says:

    …..I’ve pretty much given up desserts. My problem was always “moderation.” If I opened the double-stuff oreo package, at least half of them would get gobbled! And then I’d feel like crap, physically and mentally!

    …..Alchohol is more self-limiting, at least for me. I’m probably going to sleep before the stomach-bending effects kick in!

  4. wring says:

    dark chocolate versus double stuffed Oreos people.