We’re not even going to parse what the imagery in this post’s title means. But it’s a line in this customer service tale from Brian.

“Through the stacks of returned items (including a cake, clearly marked as “KEEP REFRIGERATED”, sitting on some sort of shelving unit…unrefrigerated) trods the dreaded supervisorsaurus, known far and wide for crushing the hopes of dim-witted patrons looking for true customer service…”

That’s another choice and salient detail from Brian’s story of getting served at Costco over his membership card.

We don’t mean served in the PBS rerun, “Are You Being Served?” way.

We mean it all gangster like.

Brian writes:

“I had the unfortunate experience yesterday of having a customer service issue resolved in exactly the manner I wanted…and still feeling like I left with someone’s fist dangling from an orifice not of my choosing. I thought I’d see if any other Consumeristas had run into this buzzsaw.

I’ve been a member of the “West Plano” Costco in Plano, TX for about a year. Generally, I think of Costco as an admirable corporate citizen and a more humane option than the murderous borg that is Sam’s Club…at least as much as a mega-warehouse club can be. However, recently, I discovered a not-so-customer-friendly policy of theirs.

A little background: In mid-January I added a secondary card to my business account at a cost of $35/year. Not six weeks later, I get my annual membership renewal invoice (due April 2006) in the mail. The renewal notice includes my $45 base membership fee…and $35 for the additional card. Huh? It was never explained to me that I should expect this. If it had been, I would’ve just waited 60 days to add the new card rather than paying two annual fees for less than 15 months of service.

So I called the customer service number on the notice. A very courteous phone rep listened to my dilemma (after exactly zero time on hold, mind you) and offered a prompt apology and proposed a solution. He stated that he couldn’t do anything for me, but that, due to Costco’s “100% Satisfaction Guarantee”, if I took the issue to my local club they would resolve the matter immediately. He even went the extra mile to say, “If for any reason the local club doesn’t handle it properly, here’s my name and extension. Call me back and I’ll fix it.”

So off I go to the local Costco warehouse. I’m greeted by yet another friendly face who listens to my frustration. She, however, can’t take any action. I need to speak with a manager. She quickly tracks down the lady I need to talk to.

Where’s the bad part you ask? Trust me, it’s coming.

Through the stacks of returned items (including a cake, clearly marked as “KEEP REFRIGERATED”, sitting on some sort of shelving unit…unrefrigerated) trods the dreaded supervisorsaurus, known far and wide for crushing the hopes of dim-witted patrons looking for true customer service. So, once again, I explain my situation to “Dana”…careful to point out that had the charges been disclosed up front, this wouldn’t even be an issue.

She pointed out that Costco does not pro-rate membership fees. Fortunately, the phone rep provided this tidbit, so I was prepared. Her offer was to extend my membership by two months. Meaning I’d pay the 12-month fee for 4 months instead of 2? Nuh-uh.

“Ok”, she says, “I can refund the money but I have to inactivate the cards to do that.” Meaning I have to haul my business partner back down there to fill out membership paperwork again to reactivate his card? Not acceptable.

“What do you want me to do?” she snarls. I want either the initial fee for the additional card to be refunded or the renewal fee waived…I don’t care which.

“But we don’t pro-rate fees… besides, the additional card has only been used once since January.” Does this mean that if the membership played a bigger role in padding Costco’s bottom line, she’d be mroe willing to help me?

After about 5 more minutes of this circular logic of death, she asked if I was planning to renew my membership that day. To which I said, yes, if we can get this issue resolved. Otherwise, the answer is no.

Finally, she tells me my renewal fee will be $45. She’s waiving the fee on the additional card. As she runs my credit card, she growls,”This is a one-time only thing.” As if I was going to voluntarily go through this meat grinder again in 12 months!

She hands me my credit card receipt. I sign it, hand it back to her, and say (with what I think came out as sincerity) “thank you for your help.” To which I get nothing in the way of response…not a word…not even a direct look in the eyes.

I guess in customer service the journey sometimes stays with you longer than the destination.”

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