Dunkin’ Donuts is apparently looking to Starbuck itself. Which would make a hell of a lot more sense if Dunkin’ Donuts’ customers didn’t hate Starbucks.

From the Brand Autopsy blog: “Seems as though loyal Dunkin’ customers didn’t enjoy the atmosphere, didn’t like all the laptop-using customers hogging the tables, didn’t appreciate the tall/grande/venti lingo, and didn’t understand why someone would pay $4 for a cup of coffee.”

Despite all of this, though, Dunkin’ Donuts has decided to ape Starbucks’ pretensions, installing granite topped counters, playing jazz and classical music in-store, installing gleaming pastry cases and selling paninis under the far more appetizing pseudonym “stuffed melt.”

We have to admit, we don’t get it either. Coming from a small Boston suburb, our friends who preferred ‘Dunkies’ tended to be metal head stoners turned construction workers, or pool sharks looking for some coffee at 2am to squeeze one more game out of their fatigued, pot-bellied frame. Our friends who preferred Starbucks, on the other hand, tended to be doofus hipsters.

While we’d personally prefer to spend our coffee breaks in a ponderous armchair, winking at barrista chicas while lazily eyeballing a paperback copy of De Tocquesville, we certainly can understand why many people prefer a more utilitarian and down-to-earth experience when it comes to their coffee. Given Dunkin’ Donuts’ clientele, why they aren’t accentuating the differences as opposed to trying to conform to them is an absolute mystery. Yet another reason to go to Krispy Kreme.

Hey Dunkin’ … Accentuate the Hate! [Brand Autopsy]

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