1st class on Delta can be a trip to hell in a flying handbasket, as Mike writes. He got seated next to a drunken lush whom the stewardesses only plied with more and more wine. Mike (pictured) came back from hitting the head to find his seatmate had splooged wine all over his iPod and Bose headphones and seat.

The stewardesses’ solution?

“Would you like another drink, sir?”

Find after the jump how this 1st class ticket ended up feeling like row 36 in a Hooters Air charter to Daytona Beach…

Here’s the letter Mike wrote to Delta.

Hi,

I wanted to inform you of a situation that I endured on a Delta flight last week, and would like to work to some remedy.

I flew from ATL to LAS on flight #417 last Thursday afternoon. I purchased a full-fare First Class ticket. Needless to say, I expected a pleasant flight.

As it it turned out, I sat next to a pretty obnoxious fellow. He was certainly intoxicated when I sat down, and didn
t stop drinking (or being served) throughout the flight. I treated my headphones as walls and was avoiding Seatmate fairly well. Just 4 more hours with Drunk Seatmate. He orders wine after wine, I order water and turn up the music.

After dinner I used the restroom and when I got out, Seatmate was in the galley. He flagged me down and let me know that he had
spilled red wine
in my seat. The flight attendant was standing right there, and said nothing. I stood silently waiting for something. I just sort of expected the flight attendant to offer up some towels or club soda or a new seat or a suggestion that he and I switch seats or something. Nothing. Seatmate says not to worry, he
s
saved up some blankets.
To my utter surprise he lays the blankets down in my seat, tells me
it
s cool
and sits back down. Stupified, I sat. All I could think of was the refuge of my headphones to save me from what had rapidly descended into a Spring Break drunkfest. I sat. I looked around for my iPod (which I had set on the seat). Seatmate explains that he wiped it off, and that
it
s just fine.
So I picked up my brand new $500 iPod and $100 noise canceling headphones (believe me, at this point I regret having not purchased the $300 noise canceling headphones). They
re soaked. I wipe them off some more. They
re sticky, but they are the only defense I have from Drunken Seatmate and his loud drunk apologies.
We
re cool? Right buddy?!?
Looking around, it
s clear that my other 47 first class passengers are all very glad they didn
t pick my seat.

As I lean back into my seat, Seatmate lets out a bellow and shakes his head.
Oops. You
re gonna need one for the back too!
Indeed, I did. Seatmate had done quite a number with Red Wine #X. Got the back of the seat, too. It goes without saying that I was wearing a white shirt. A wet white shirt.

Not 10 seconds later, our flight attendant returns.
Something more to drink?
she asks Seatmate. He makes a joke about not needing anymore red wine and that she
d better make it a Tanqueray and Tonic. Not one to disappoint, our flight attendant returns with a T&T. She probably served him 4 more after that.

Here
s where my gripe with Delta comes in. I understand that you can
t control for people who are idiots. Or rude. But you can control people who are visibly intoxicated and acting like drunken morons. You can certainly stop serving alcohol to them when they prove to be drunken morons, when they are encroaching on another passenger. This man was just plain drunk. He reeked of it, he acted like it, and nobody lifted a finger. They just left me there in my red wine and blanket cocoon to endure him and his ever increasing level of intoxicity. Suffice to say, it didn
t feel First Class. It didn
t even feel coach class. It felt like row 36 in a Hooters Air charter to Daytona Beach.

I was disappointed, and certainly felt that I didn
t get what I had paid for. I am seeking a full refund for the entire ticket and I
ll consider my headphones, iPod and clothes a casualty covered by such.

Regards,
Mike

Here’s Delta’s reply from the Manager of Customer Service (does that title give him certain flowing robes and staffs to heft around? just wondering).

Dear Mr. Landman:

Thank you for your e-mail referencing your experience with Delta on your recent trip to Las Vegas. I am sorry to learn from your report of your discomfort on Flight 417 on January 26.

Our flight attendants are instructed never to serve alcoholic beverages to anyone who appears to be intoxicated. Your comments have been sent to the responsible department head for review to ensure that established procedures are followed on all Delta flights. It is disappointing to have the good work of many undone by a misunderstanding or insufficient consideration for our passengers’ comfort.

Mr. Landman, we can certainly appreciate your feelings and regret your disappointment. Since you completed your trip and the fare you paid is correct, we must respectfully decline your request for a refund.

However, in the interest of your goodwill, we will mail our Transportation Credit for $250.00. The voucher is valid for one year from the date of issue, and can be used toward the purchase of a future Delta ticket. Additional terms and conditions are explained on the voucher.

Again, thank you for writing. We recognize this was not the response you expected to receive and trust you will understand our position. We value your business and hope you will continue to choose Delta.

Sincerely,

XXXXXXXXX
Manager
Customer Care

Obviously, this wasn’t enough for Mike.

I particularity like the fact that I completed the flight as justification that in fact it must not have been that bad. Apparently I was to do one of 2 things:

1. Jump out
2. Not return home

Then, apparently, my dissatisfaction would have been proven by my actions, not merely my words.

So a pack of orangutans beat you up for the entirety of your plane trip but since you paid the full price and arrived at your destination, there’s nothing we can do but maybe you would like a complimentary plastic pair of captain’s wings to pin to your shredded shirt?

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