Paul H writes (our intro for us):

Having some persistent problems with a PCS modem, I sent an email to Sprint customer service via the form on their website. I didn’t expect that the people answering the general questions would be able to help me, but I wasn’t in the mood for discussing my problems with someone in India, nor could I find any real technical support on Sprint’s website.

The response I received back from a Sprint customer service rep was surreal. It starts out normal, and contradictory, enough (“I will be happy to assist you…” followed by a lengthy description of why he can’t). From there, it spirals into a tone of empathetic madness and self-doubt (“I do not know how you would accept this fact. I want to work for you. Really”). I appreciate the concern, but it is a small electronic device that is not working; you didn’t run over my dog or knock up my daughter. The full email follows:

After the jump, of course.

Then, the crazy, near-to-breakdown customer service tech writes:

Dear Paul,

Thank you for contacting Sprint together with Nextel. I will be happy to assist you regarding problem with the connection card.

I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience you are experiencing due to this issue.

I can understand that it is always upsetting when such service does not work up to its expectations. It seems that due to a possible service related issue you are facing this problem.

Your concern requires technical assistance and we at eCare are not equipped with the required technical infrastructure. So an interaction with our technical specialist is required to effectively resolve your concern. We have a separate group of technical specialists, who work on resolving technical issues.

I really do not want to divert you to another support group, but this requires a live chat, which is not possible through an email interaction. Therefore, I request you to contact our technical specialist by dialing 1-888-788-4727. Our technical support team will be happy to advise you on how to resolve this issue.

I do not know how you would accept this fact. I want to work for you. Really, I wish that I should correct this problem for once and ever. But the problem is I cannot do though I wish to do so. Reason is very unconvincing but honest. Be assured that your issue will be resolved at the earliest.

I truly appreciate the patience restrained by you till we resolve the issue. We value you as a great customer. Warm Regards!

Thank you for contacting Sprint together with Nextel.

Bobby
Business E-Care
Sprint together with Nextel “Where our customers come first!”

Want more consumer news? Visit our parent organization, Consumer Reports, for the latest on scams, recalls, and other consumer issues.