According to a recent poll of 3,000 students, Canadians are much more pathetic than previously suspected:

Young Canadians are digitizing their sex lives, embracing computer screens and touching keyboards ever so gently in lieu of person to person contact, according to a new survey.

Some 87 percent of 2,484 students polled at 150 colleges and universities across Canada reported having “virtual sex” over instant messenger, webcams or the telephone…

Fifty-one percent of respondents were female and 49 percent were male. Of these, 53 percent of students had sex over instant messenger while 44 percent made love to a partner via webcam or telephone.

Jeez, Canada — no, you damn well haven’t. Penis, meet vagina. Haven’t met before? Then you haven’t had “sex”… no matter where you’ve inserted your mobile.

It ends with this astonishing distinction. Our emphasis:

The survey also asked people about their corporeal sex lives.

Priceless.

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