L.D., owner of a high-profile software startup went looking for a little romance on eHarmony.com and instead found pain and ignominy. Happy Valentine
s Day, based on our scientific analysis, you
re not fit to date any of our members, the number one online relationship site told her.

I
m not a pariah or a leper, not looking to hook up with someone for the rest of my life
I was married for a long time and now I
m not, it
s a weird transititional state,
she told The Consumerist. While not legally separated, all ties were definitely snipped. She wanted to date again but was uncertain where to begin. Encouraged by positive reviews from friends, L. signed up on eHarmony.com and began filling out their extensive profile. To get the best results, she went through the humiliating process of revealing herself to the computer questionnaire with honesty.

After spending over an hour she came to one of the final questions,
Please describe your current status
and was given the choice of married, divorced, single or separated. After clicking separated she got her reward,
Unable to match you at this time.
The kill screen continued something to the effect of how statistically speaking, separated peoples are not viable prospects as they may return to their partners. Focus groups participants voiced concerns for this possibility and eHarmony decided to make it a policy.

L.D. understands this from a
business standpoint
but
wishes they
d disclose that at the beginning.

On Friday, eHarmony.com sent her a Valentine
s day email.

1. I do have to say I feel punished about my status,
she wrote the company,
particularly since it was one of the categories asked about at the very end. There must be a community of people who understand the transitional state of going from married to nonmarried. 2. I don’t see a way to change my marital status once my divorce is final. 3. I got a valentine’s day message email today. Since I cannot possibly find a match through your service at the moment, I find receiving email messages about having hope of finding someone particularly tacky.

An eHarmony
lead agent,
Carla W., responded to L.
s complaint the same day,
Once you are divorced, please reply with the county and state of your divorce proceedings, the name of the judge, and the date your divorce was finalized
As an alternative, I can reset your personality profile test.

L. is not sure whether she will report the information in to eHarmony, already feeling chastened. She
s heard that
the founder has a Christian mission” and she finds that “really disturbing.
L.D. considers their policy of excluding same-sex partnerships,
offensive, to say the least.
Also, since filling out the personality profile, she
s noticed she seems to be receiving more Christian dating site spam.

As to whether she will continue to seek romance online, she
s not sure. L.D. looked into services like Lavalife and Match but was turned off by their pay-to-survey model and their approach of
hey what
s your sign okay here
s some matches, go!
For that,
you might as well head to Craigslist.

It
s just so fucking complicated,
reports L.,
I run a software company so I know all about designing a user friendly interface. Make it intuitive
Otherwise I
ll just go home and watch TV.

For Valentine
s Day, L.D. plans on attending her daughter
s parent-teacher conference.

Want more consumer news? Visit our parent organization, Consumer Reports, for the latest on scams, recalls, and other consumer issues.