Distressed mother Kelly writes:

My five year old wanted a Chia Pet for Christmas (every request sounded like this: “Mommy, can I have a Chia Pet? Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia.” Jesus, that kid watches too much TV). She got one.

It’s suppose to fully grow in about a week. It’s been over a week. Our Chia Shrek has a mullet. Where did I go wrong? Do these things suck, or is it me?

We think that the mystery of which hairstyle will grow on your terra cotta head is part of the magic of Chia, but we will not rest until we discover if Chia is using the lovable cartoon ogre as a carrier for the reintroduction of ‘parties in the back.’

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