Looking at the array of costumes available to adult women these days, one might think that every profession requires a display of cleavage and enough visible skin to make one fervently hope for a 75-degree night in October in places where it is not 75 degrees in October. The funny thing is, not every gal wants to dress up like a sexy/sassy/foxy mechanic/dentist/ornithologist. Some of us just want to be ornithologists, okay? Seems someone forgot to tell Subway that before it made its new boneheaded Halloween ad.

The scene: Two women and a guy eating lunch.

Woman 1: “You guys are eating burgers?!” one of the women asks in apparent shock.
Woman 2 who just wants to eat her lunch without someone calling attention to what she’s eating: “Hey, summer’s over.”
Woman 1: “Halloween’s coming! you have to stay in shape for all the costumes!”
Guy who acts like he’s never been outside on Halloween: “Whassat?”

That’s the cue for a quick cut of costumes like “Attractive Nurse,” “Spicy Red Riding Hood” and “Foxy Fullback.” Because for a woman to play a sport, she must be foxy.

The ad goes on to say it can help you with whatever you’re staying fit for, blah blah blah low fat sandwiches blah.

The thing is, the obvious sexism inherent in the ad — gotta stay slim, ladies, so no one sees your chub rubbing together in that skimpy outfit! — could’ve been somewhat allayed if only the dude sitting at that table also got changed into various skin-bearing outfits, points out Jezebel.

After all, guys like to take off their shirts or be otherwise scantily clad on Halloween sometimes, too. Just ask my friend who wore a white unitard as part of his magnificently creepy bearded unicorn costume one year. No one told him to eat low fat sandwiches beforehand, because only women must rein in the gut before going out on Halloween (also, ya looked great how you are, buddy!).

And of course, different strokes for different folks — if you want to be that Sassy Teacher then by all means, go for it and more power to you. But Subway pushing the idea that women should be watching what they eat just to prepare for sexy-only costumes is just bonkers bad. Bonkers!

In the meantime, I’ll be busy eating cookies in preparation for my non-sexy Cookie Monster, unless sexy means covered in tangled blue monster fur with crumbs all over yourself, in which case, watch out, world!

Anyway, here’s the ad:

Want more consumer news? Visit our parent organization, Consumer Reports, for the latest on scams, recalls, and other consumer issues.