Definitely Don’t Print Out These Fake Labels And Put Them On Real Products

Frosted Mini Wheats... arguably preferable to hunger.

Frosted Mini Wheats… arguably preferable to hunger.

As Coca-Cola recently argued before the Supreme Court, you should be able to call your product anything you want so long as it embodies the essential character of that product… even if that means calling a beverage “pomegranate” juice when an entire bottle contains barely an eye-dropper’s worth of that ingredient. So what’s good for the goose is good for the consumer, right?

That was the argument made Sunday night by John Oliver on his new HBO show Last Week Tonight. In covering the Coca-Cola case (along with other specious food claims — like those made by Kellogg about its Frosted Mini Wheats, or POM Wonderful’s bogus health benefits), Oliver said that if the First Amendment covers companies who want to stretch the truth to the breaking point, then it should cover consumers who want to replace questionable labels with ones that are just as sketchy.

While we certainly hope Pom doesn’t contain actual pomeranians and we’re too scared to find out just how much rodent urine could legally make its way into a bottle of not-exactly-pomegranate juice, we do think it’s safe to say that Mini Wheats are indeed arguably preferable to hunger. That’s certainly more accurate than the ad campaign that tried to convince parents that the cereal was some sort of secret brain food.

Of course, as funny as it might be to print out the below label sheet posted on the show’s Facebook page, cut the images out, place them on products, and then post those photos online, it’s arguably illegal — or will, at the very least, get you kicked out of a store for doing so.

As you can see from the above image, there’s always fun to be had with Photoshop, especially if you’re more skilled than I am, like this guy.

So here are the labels that you shouldn’t print out and have a lot of fun with, because we would certainly never suggest you do anything like that…

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  1. oomingmak says:

    I tried a bottle of FruitWater last week (it was horrible, btw) and couldn’t find any mention of any fruit on the ingredients list. I did see a small disclaimer on the back that said: Contain No Juice. I won’t be buying this again.