Chevron Says Sorry For Fracking Fire The Only Way It Knows How: With Pizza Coupon

Next time I set fire to a small town, I must remember to contact the local pizza place to inquire about a bulk order.

Next time I set fire to a small town, I must remember to contact the local pizza place to inquire about a bulk order.

Last week, an explosion at a Chevron natural gas fracking operation in northwestern Pennsylvania resulted in a fire that lasted for days and may have cost one rig worker his life. Let’s not forget the environmental damage and other possibly hazardous longterm effects. If you were a mammoth oil company like Chevron, how would you appease the local citizenry? By providing them pizza coupons, of course.

Reads the note distributed to 100 local residents:

Dear Neighbor,
We are sorry to have missed you. We wanted to provide you with a status update on the February 11 incident that occurred on Chevron’s Appalachia’s Lanoce 7 H well pads in Dunkard Township and see if you had any questions or concerns that we could address.

Chevron recognizes the effect this has had on the community. We value being a responsible member of this community and will continue to strive to achieve incident-free operations. We are committed to taking action to safeguard our neighbors, our employees, our contractors and the environment.

If you have any questions, please call our toll free community line at 1-877-847-8408.
Thank you,
Chevron Community Outreach Team

And attached to the letter, a coupon for 1 large pizza and a 2-liter soda at a local pizza joint.

That’s right. It’s not even for a dollar amount; just a pizza and soda. Want a cheesesteak? That’ll cost ya. Who do you think you’re dealing with, Exxon?

Oddly enough, the offer of a pizza (and a soda, let’s not forget the soda!) in exchange for putting residents through a fiery ordeal strikes some as a bum deal.

But not to worry, the folks at Chevron are taking this seriously.

In a statement to Gizmodo, the company writes (bolded for emphasis):

The situation at the Lanco well site in Pennsylvania remains serious and teams are working around the clock to safely approach and shut in the well. There has been considerable construction activity adjacent to the site, resulting in increased traffic and congestion in the area. Recognizing that our neighbors have been affected by these activities, we are out in the community every day to listen to and address concerns. We have also offered a token of appreciation for their patience during this time, and our commitment to the community goes far beyond this and our outreach is ongoing.

Our thoughts remain with the family and friends of our missing colleague and we appreciate the strong support we have received from nearby residents as we work to respond to this incident in a safe manner.

So quit your yapping, people of Bobtown. They could have just bought you some frozen pizzas and told you to roast them over the embers of your backyard.

The Chevron Guarantee: Our well won’t explode…or your pizza is free! [Philly.com]

The Chevron Promise: If our fracking well explodes, the pizza is on us! [No Fracking Way]

Chevron: Sorry Our Gas Well Exploded, Here’s a Free Pizza [Gizmodo]