Why Did CVS Customer Keep Returning Used Enemas To The Store?

It was an observant CVS cashier who brought a Florida man’s reign of fecal contamination to a close. The customer would allegedly buy saline enema kits, use them, clumsily reseal the boxes, and return the kits to the store. The enema kits went right back on store shelves to be sold to unsuspecting customers. The bottles contained some fluid, but had fecal matter on them. This purchase and return cycle began in April and continued until June.

“[I]n today’s economic times… people are doing some strange things,” one CVS customer told First Coast News. Yes.

The investigation into the enema return ring continues, and the alleged perpetrator was arrested on an unrelated outstanding warrant. Enemas were pulled off the shelves and checked, but now the constipated citizens of Florida can buy disposable enemas from CVS with confidence.

Enema Product Tampering Investigation [Jacksonville Sheriff's Office]
CVS discovers used enemas on store shelves [KSDK] (Thanks, GitEmSteveDave – We just couldn’t bear to post this story with comments disabled. You’re welcome.)

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  1. Fubish says: I don't know anything about it, but it seems to me... says:

    “Why Did CVS Customer Keep Returning Used Enemas To The Store?”

    Because he was finished with them?

  2. aja175 says:

    Because Florida. Why else?

  3. yankinwaoz says:

    I think in California you can’t return underwear for the same reasons. Not that I have tried.

  4. Sarek says:

    1. With friends like these, who needs enemas?
    2. Can the perp be sentenced to stick it up his derriere?
    3. And let’s not forget the Kermit Schaefer-collected blooper: “Stay tuned for the annual Enema Awards, piped in live and in color.”

  5. 180CS says:

    Another part of me is upset at how most companies handle returned merchandise.

    This is the best example I could come up with, so bear with me. Lets say you’re dining out…If you so much as touch the plate your food order came on and it has to go back, they have to throw it out. It can NOT be re-served, because you made contact with the plate it is on.

    Why is it that a 99 cent burger has these kinds of consumer protection laws attached to it, but a medical product you shove up your … doesn’t?

    • Kitamura says:

      I think the problem is that too many cashiers aren’t diligent when checking if the customer’s claim that they never opened the product at all is actually accurate. But yes, certain classes of product shouldn’t be allowed back onto the shelf if they’re returned.

      • makoto says:

        I’m not arguing that cashiers don’t check thoroughly enough as to whether or not a product has been used… I just wonder how practical that is (for a variety of reasons).

        1) Customers freak out when you check stuff like that in front of them either because they know they have used it or because they feel “offended.” They get very defensive. Often resulting in quite rude outbursts.

        2) Time constraints. Lines. Pressure from management to keep moving, keep customers satisfied, etc.

        3) Denying a return is difficult. Customers throw fits. Call corporate. Make scenes. Most recently, I had a customer tell me to “go f*** myself” because she didn’t have ID and no receipt. Other times I’ve received death threats (not kidding).

        As far as this particular situation, it would be strange for a casheir to open an enema package, thereby breaking the seal in the first place.

        This is just a very disturbing story. And as an unfortunate Florida resident (I hate it here, can’t you tell?), I’m not the LEAST BIT surprised this occurred in the golden state that belongs in hell.

  6. DerangedHermit says:

    I guess the cashier realized that the customer was full of shit.

  7. rdclark says:

    There are rules that forbid retailers from accepting returns on anything that might come into contact with blood, such as lancets used by diabetics. Even if the package is still sealed and unused. Shouldn’t the same caution be required for products that could come in contact with other potentially infectious substances?

  8. longfeltwant says:

    I hardly think “tough economic times” has anything to do with this crime. It seems obviously like a sexual or social perversion to me.

    • HogwartsProfessor says:

      That’s what I was thinking. Some people use enemas in a fetish kinda way. So he’s returning them to save money because he uses them all the time.

      I’m sure he could find free porn on the intertubes about this instead. Also, BLEAH.

  9. fsnuffer says:

    Maybe a recycling program gone horrible wrong?

  10. nopirates says:

    “the enema return ring”

  11. Costner says:

    Reminds me of when I worked retail in high school. A guy would come in with a three pack of underwear and say the one pair had holes in it. Technically he was right, because the one pair was completely wrecked and had skid marks and all sorts of “disgustingness” in them while the other two pairs (in front and in back of the used pair) were brand new. It appeared he would take one pair out of the package – wear it for a few months straight with no washing and then return them saying they had holes in them.

    This guy came in about every two months with the same story, and the service counter would have him get another package and they would swap them out. At the time we had a “no questions asked” return policy so there wasn’t anything we could do to prevent it until he had returned too many items in a specific timeframe. At that point I’m guessing he just moved to the next store down the road.

    People are disgusting creatures.

  12. Cat says:

    Bottle deposit returns only give him 5 cents.

  13. Cranky Owl says:

    Why oh why did I read this story just before lunch :( ?

  14. NickRayko says:

    This is just shitty.

  15. Obtusegoose says:

    “The enema boxes… did he damage them?”
    “Damage them? He nearly rectum!”

  16. RayanneGraff says:

    OMG. Just… OMG. My dad uses enemas occasionally, this is just horrifying on so many levels. What a sick freak, he probably gets some kind of sick thrill out of knowing people are shoving his butt germs up their own butts xP