Great Moments In Outlandish Breakfast Cereal Health Claims

Breakfast cereals may be a delicious way to start your day, but they aren’t drugs. Unfortunately, that mere fact hasn’t stopped food companies from marketing cereals based on their amazing health effects. In fact, as we’ve reported before, the more health claims on a cereal box, the more likely it is to be really bad for you. Here are a few amusing examples from around the world.

Cocoa Krispies prevent swine flu. Vitamins are good for your immune system. Bragging that cereal will boost your child’s immune system in the middle of a swine flu panic will attract the notice of the FDA.

Cheerios are a cholesterol-lowering drug. Yes, oats may be “clinically proven” to reduce cholesterol, but the marketing crossed the line into turning Cheerios into a drug. A tasty, tasty drug.

Frosted Mini-Wheats make your kids perform better in school. No. They don’t. The FTC took issue with this claim, mostly since Kellogg’s misrepresented the results of the study.

Crunchberries are real fruit. No, wait, that was a lawsuit filed by a very stupid person.

Sugar Puffs [a UK cereal] “Helps growth, maintains healthy skin and eyes, and boost[s] the digestive and nervous systems.” Maybe so, but the cereal also is 35% sugar…as the name implies. Claims about Sugar Puffs were part of a 2009 European Union crackdown on cereal health claims.