Save Your Friends From Post-Rapture Hellfire For Only $40 Per Year

A company called You’ve Been Left Behind is selling a post-Rapture package that sends emails to your sinful friends and family, letting them know where you are and what’s up with the whole pending apocalypse thing. For only $40 per year, You’ve Been Left Behind offers “to get one last message to the lost, at a time, when they might just be willing to hear it for the first and last time.”

For those wondering why such a policy is a sound investment, You’ve Been Left Behind explains:”‘WHY’” is one last chance to bring them to Christ and snatch them from the flames!” The package offers encrypted storage space for personal letters and can send emails to 62 of your closest, hellbound friends and family. According to Wikipedia, there is debate as to how much time elapses between Rapture and everyone going to heaven/hell, but as You’ve Been Left Behind points out: “Imagine being in the presence of the Lord and hearing all of heaven rejoice over the salvation of your loved ones.” Isn’t that worth $40 a year?

You’ve Been Left Behind
(Photo: Getty) (Thanks to Dirk!)

Comments

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  1. The Great Aussie Evil says:

    I smell a scam.

  2. weakdome says:

    This is as awesome as LifeGem.

  3. billbillbillbill says:

    Boy, now I think I have seen everything!

  4. evslin says:

    This is the part where I go…

    LOLWUT

  5. wallapuctus says:

    If only I were evil enough to prey upon stupid people via religion…

  6. duetoprivacy says:

    how does this site know that I have been raptured? can they give me a heads up? theres a couple things I wanted to take care of here on earth before the big day

  7. B says:

    @shesafire: They hire one athiest to hang around to office, and on the day when nobody else shows up, he hits a big red button.

  8. HeartBurnKid says:

    I do believe that the following two words have never been more apt…

    Holy Shit.

  9. MissTicklebritches says:

    For an extra fee, will they guarantee they won’t be spam-filtered?

  10. bonzombiekitty says:

    Hasn’t this been around for a while?

  11. Juggernaut says:

    So this is something that I wasn’t doing and then emailed all my friends about last week?

  12. drjayphd says:

    I, uhm… wow. I’m not even sure I can come up with anything to say about this that’s as ridiculous as the premise.

  13. womynist says:

    I, for one, am looking forward to the fiery pits of Hell…heh heh

    ::points index fingers out of forehead like devil horns and does a little jig::

  14. MrGrimes says:

    Funniest.Thing.Ever.

    My favorite part:

    We have set up a system to send documents by the email, to the addresses you provide, 6 days after the “Rapture” of the Church. This occurs when 3 of our 5 team members scattered around the U.S fail to log in over a 3 day period. Another 3 days are given to fail safe any false triggering of the system.

  15. humorbot says:

    If the rapture comes (finally!), and you’re Left Behind, wouldn’t you have more pressing concerns than checking your email? Or is there a Telnet terminal in Purgatory, or wherever the waiting room is?

  16. SahuaritaSam says:

    These guys are going to make a lot of money. Just watch.

  17. mbd says:

    Can I use one of the Pan Am Airways ticket to the moon that they sold in the 1960′s good whenever in the future they started commercial service to the heavens to get there?

  18. milk says:

    I like how the privacy policy is one sentence.

  19. I have a funny feeling that Kirk Cameron and that odd-looking mustache guy are behind this. Any time we would need a good laugh in the office, we would go to [www.wayofthemaster.com] and just watch Kirk Cameron make a huge ass of himself.

  20. sir_pantsalot says:

    As a conservative christian this goes against everything christians believe. There will not be a rapture and non-believers will not get a second chance.

    In order to do this you must “judge” the people you know and assume they are going to hell. God will have mercy on who he will have mercy. This is a ridiculus service but if there is a sucker out there then there are people standing in line to take advantage of them.

  21. AdmiralApathy says:

    So there is going to be internet after the apocalypse? I am staying here then. I bet internet porn won’t go over so well up there.

  22. Me - now with more humidity says:

    Damn, I wish I’d thought of this! It’s brilliant. Evil, but brilliant.

  23. MissPeacock says:

    Many, many Christians don’t believe in the Rapture. My own uncle, possibly the most religious man I know, doesn’t, and he is a pastor. Lots of folks don’t know that the idea of the Rapture has only been around since the 1800s.

    [en.wikipedia.org]

  24. anarcurt says:

    I’m finding this hard to comment on…people are that crazy? It’s not enough that people believe in this Rapture stuff but would waste $40 on this ‘service’? My faith in man dwindles by the day.

  25. MercuryPDX says:

    @MrGrimes: Gotta love how the whole thing is controlled by a dead man’s switch with 3x redundancy.

    Hopefully “the man upstairs” will look down upon this company kindly and not knock out power/internet service for the switch operators with “random disasters” like lightning storms or flooding… AKA “premature en-rapturation”.

    I hope the good hearted Christians that use this service are not too smug in their emails to us left behind folk. It would be bad for their true feelings to be known while they’re still in their corporeal form.

    Bah… who am I kidding. They’re Christians. They would never be smug, condescending, or judgmental. ;)

  26. TheRealAbsurdist says:

    @The Great Aussie Evil: Ya think?

  27. Truvill says:

    I got suspicious as soon as I saw the PayPal button.

    Sorry for not looking hard enough.

  28. NotEd says:

    @B: Y’know, that’s what I was thinking. The beautiful this is that even if you aren’t “promoted” you can make your friends and family think you are. Although it would be a bit of the extra suck if you end up being the only one left…

    Actually I think there was a more generic “Last Words” type email service like this in the past. They would send you a reminder email weekly and if you didn’t click on the link after a preset amount of time it would send your email payload out. Sort of a “Dead Man’s Switch” approach to posthumous communication.

  29. jscott73 says:

    @sir_pantsalot: A conservative christian who doesn’t believe in the rapture, say it ain’t so, hopefully that was a type on your part.

    By they way, when can we stop pretending the rapture will happen, isn’t 2000 years or so enough?

  30. MercuryPDX says:

    And before the torches and pitchforks come out for my comment:

    I painted that last sentence with a broad brush to be sarcastic. I know there are good and bad Christians like there are good and bad non-Christians.

  31. Roycester says:

    Well, by their own reasoning only the heathen will be left behind to send out emails, so I don’t know if we can trust the heathen to stand good on a promise like that…

  32. jscott73 says:

    *yes, a typo like typing ‘type’ instead of ‘typo’

  33. backbroken says:

    This has been around for about 10 years I think.

  34. Roundonbothends says:

    YBLB executive opens his eyes and is awake. Still here, he thinks, and then he turns on CNN. No rapture, again. He sighs. Once again, he hasn’t been left behind.

    Oh well, he thinks, as he stretches away the sleepiness, there’s work to be done and a sucker is born every minute. Let’s get with it.

  35. battra92 says:

    When the rapture comes the last thing I’ll be worried about are those left behind. Sad it will be but nothing that I have to worry about.

  36. jscott73 says:

    @battra92: Not even if it’s your kids that are left behind, assuming you have or will have kids at that time?

  37. Jesse says:

    They probably aren’t charging enough.

    We know from Tammy Faye and Jim Bakker that some of these televangelist fans can be scammed out of a lot of money. They should be charging 10x what they are now.

  38. Trai_Dep says:

    I think these cheapskates should be paying $400/year. I mean, putting a price on your immortal SOUL?! Sky’s the limit, boys!
    Gods, please let the site be owned by a consortia jointly owned by the Richard Dawkins Foundation, the ACLU and the Foundation from Religious Freedom Foundation. Please?!

  39. anarcurt says:

    Please come Rapture! Take these people from this planet! Leave me behind to party baby!

  40. theblackdog says:

    “Oh my, it’s the apocolypse! Bart, are you wearing clean underwear?”

    “I was…”

  41. Trai_Dep says:

    @Jesse: Great (heathen) minds think alike! :D

  42. Scoobatz says:

    It’s very reassuring to see that God accepts PayPal.

  43. friendlynerd says:

    You’ve Been Left Behind: When a Free Email Forward Just Won’t Do

  44. MercuryPDX says:

    @anarcurt: Please come Rapture! Take these people from this planet! Leave me behind to party baby!

    QFT… be sure to add me to the invite list.

    @Scoobatz: PayPal, yes! Homosexuality, abortion and a female Pope, NO!

  45. battra92 says:

    @jscott73: No kids. If I did I’d raise them as Christians like I was.

  46. speedwell (propagandist and secular snarkist) says:

    OK, they are assuming that at least 3 of their “mission control” group get “raptured.”

    But what if they don’t? What if they are all Left Behind? Then nobody will activate the dead man switch, eh?

  47. Orv says:

    My favorite bumper sticker ever:

    In event of rapture,
    can I have your car?

  48. jscott73 says:

    @battra92: That’s what my mom said…now I’ll be left behind with everyone else…so sad.

    On a slightly related note, if a parent goes to heaven and their children don’t wouldn’t that be less then perfect for the christian parent or do you just stop caring for or loving those that are left behind.

    Take that one step further and if anyone you’ve ever loved or cared about goes to hell while you go to heaven doesn’t that again make for a less then perfect heaven. Or do you just stop loving and caring when you go to heaven? Just wondering.

  49. backbroken says:

    God told me the rapture already happened. He decided only to take Jimmy Hoffa.

  50. littlealbatross says:

    @MrGrimes: It’s just like on Lost! How sneaky.

  51. spoco says:

    I am a conservative Christian, a Presbyterian – we do not believe in a rapture for a couple reasons, but the main one is that the idea of a rapture does not appear in the Bible. Most Christians do believe in the Bible.

    The idea of a “rapture” came around in the late 1800s in the United States.

    But anyway, I feel like the folks behind this are not very Christian.

  52. spoco says:

    and if I am wrong and there is a rapture, I’m pretty sure that the world will be in total chaos for more than a week after. Might be a few riots or nukes.

  53. @spoco:

    I am a conservative Christian, a Presbyterian – we do not believe in a rapture for a couple reasons, but the main one is that the idea of a rapture does not appear in the Bible. Most Christians do believe in the Bible.

    The idea of a “rapture” came around in the late 1800s in the United States.

    No offense, but I wouldn’t consider most Presbyterians I’ve met to be very conservative in their Christian belief.

    The idea of the Rapture certainly appears in the Bible (one passage that comes to mind refers to Christians being called up from the earth to meet Jesus in the air after the blast of a trumpet). The word “rapture” isn’t used, but the word “Trinity” doesn’t appear in the Bible either.

  54. WarOtter - I went to Japan and all I got was this tumor. says:

    I would totally sign up if instead of a message of why it would just play Nelson Muntz “HAH HAH!”

  55. DH405 says:

    Wow. Great business model. Who wants to bet that its an atheist dude sitting somewhere who laughs at the messages and promptly deletes them?

    I’ll bet that if I customer asked to see the messages, they couldn’t be produced. Thats the reason for the “encrypted” BS.

  56. spoco says:

    @InfiniTrent:

    Presbyterian Church in America – we’re the conservatives that broke off from those other Presbyterians in 1974.

    Show me a passage that refers to a second and third coming.

  57. jscott73 says:

    @InfiniTrent: For reference the passage is 1 Corinthians 15:51-53.

    IMHO those few poetic words are a little light on detail and I have a hard time believing in a doctrine that uses them as a basis.

  58. HootieMac says:

    @humorbot: There are computer terminals in hell, but, since it IS hell, they’re all on dial-up.

  59. ChuckECheese says:

    Lisa Simpson: It’s the rapture, and I never knew true love.

  60. HeartBurnKid says:

    @MrGrimes: 1 dozen chocolate chip cookies to the hacker who can lock all their accounts out of the system for 6 days! C’mon, let’s trigger this bad boy early!

  61. @Orv: Now THAT’S a bumper sticker I can get behind, unlike those silly “In case of rapture, car will be unmanned!”

  62. edosan says:

    This is brilliant. I wish I had thought of this.

    As a bonus, I wouldn’t need to hire two other people. I could hit the “everybody’s been raptured” button myself.

  63. Keavy_Rain says:

    @MercuryPDX:

    I’ll bring the booze.

  64. g1cwells says:

    Check out this website: [stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com]

  65. opsomath says:

    So why was this posted to the consumerist again? I mean, I don’t believe in the rapture, but…this is just dumb.

  66. BobbyMoon says:

    That Kirk Cameron website is spooky.

  67. imwm says:

    There’s a free one called Rapture Letters.

    [www.raptureletters.com]

    I think the whole rapture idea is ridiculous, judgmental and offensive. Especially with things like those bumper stickers that say “in case of rapture…”

  68. audiochick says:

    Fabulous! Because I know the first thing I would do if people randomly started floating up to the sky is check my spam folder.

  69. Eoghann says:

    I smell a scam.

    Sorry, i pooted.

  70. Trai_Dep says:

    @opsomath: Because it’s one of the few times that clueless consumers are being cynically ripped off and the assembled hoards of commentators compete to out-snark each other? :P
    Seventy comments and everyone’s either snickering or offended that the company isn’t ripping off their customers even MORE. I think that’s a Consumerist first. Yay!

  71. bleh says:

    I’d like to sell you some alien abduction insurance.

  72. nardo218 says:

    Homg that’s hilarious. If it didn’t cost, I’d send to a select group of people who keep sending me FWDs.

  73. oldtaku says:

    This is just awesomely smug and evil – the best part, of course, is that you’re only taking money from people who are equally smug and evil, so it’s fairly low guilt.

  74. RandomHookup says:

    My early Christmas present to all my Consumerist friends is that you don’t have to spend $40 a year on this service. I have decided I would rather not be raptured and am pre-booking my room in Hell.

  75. Razorgirl says:

    The mental image I have is of the poor, smug SOB who shelled out the cash and wrote lengthy, grandiose letters to the full 62 allotted people. After making sure that everyone knew what a ‘godly’ person he was and that he wanted them to be pious as well so they could be ‘saved’, most of the 62 are gone after the Rapture, and he gets to deal with explaining himself to those who are left to get the email… because his judgmental ass is still down here with the rest of us.

    I will likely snicker over this scenario for the rest of the night.

  76. jenl1625 says:

    href=”#c6075242″>MrGrimes: I would LOVE to see what happens when 3 of the 5 staffers have a nasty flu, or a power outage, or go on a major bender and don’t log in for a week.
    All these “I’m giving you access to xxx because I’m in heaven and don’t need it, and let’s face it – you’re not going to be there with me” emails are unlikely to go over well with recipients. Not that this will stop some of the recipients from immediately using the information.

  77. mikelotus says:

    so the rapture is not a day of multiple orgasms?

  78. Mr. Gunn says:

    Trai_Dep: It would be so awesome if there were a bunch of atheists behind this.

  79. arcticJKL says:

    1. Why not just charge a flat fee of 50% of the customers assets when they disappear?
    2. Who sends the emails after the rapture? Is it automated? If five certain people die accidentally one week do we get a false rapture?

    What about postribulationalists? Will the company send an email in the time between the ratpure begins and the time Jesus has landfall or do we get our money back?

  80. Trai_Dep says:

    @nardo218: Good (ahem) GOD man, your email-forwarding friends’ immortal everlasting souls are at stake. Spare no expense. NO expense. $40/yr is cheap!
    …And it wouldn’t be completely untoward for you to ask a 10% tithe off the top for referrals. In Baby Jesus’ name, of course.

    Out of curiosity, for the believers, what’s the point of this? Sending your “friends” a “Nyea nyea nyeaaaaa nyea!” email? “Enjoy everlasting torment; xxxooo; your saved friend”? I don’t recall “I told you so” being a primal part of the New Testament.

  81. Trai_Dep says:

    @mikelotus: If a virgin has a day of nonstop orgasms, is that akin to a tree falling in the forest with no one hearing it? I mean, how would they know?

  82. Ragman says:

    @HeartBurnKid: My thoughts exactly – trip that sucker and see who freaks out.

  83. Raziya says:

    I could see this being funny if you sent emails such as “Haha, you’re going to hell, sucka!” to your really religious family members…but maybe that is just really mean of me to think. :P

  84. Shutterman says:

    @Orv:
    “Come the Rapture We’ll Have the Earth to Ourselves…”

  85. lestat730 says:

    *shakes head* Somethings about spirituality and religion I will just never understand. I really hope a ‘business’ with this type of ‘product’ wouldn’t be able to thrive and make enough money for the owner to live on. I’m curious as to how many paying customers they actually have.

    I don’t know much about those who truly believe in ‘the rapture’ as something that will happen within their lifetime, but if the world is being destroyed by chaos would this organization have one lone atheist struggling to crawl towards a big button that reads ‘send super expensive emails on behalf of all our subscribers that really should be spending $40 a year on something like bills, food, taking care of family, or perhaps seeing a psychiatrist immediately!’ I mean, of all the things you could pay a subscription for… this? People who buy into this should consider where (or to whom) their money is really going. If they really have money to burn, they should consider giving to a charity, or to their church where it can REALLY help people.

    If I believed in such things, I would think that hell has a special place for the ‘company’ that runs this site.

    Oh, and to the owner of the site… I’m not lost. Please don’t try to tell me that I am. Also, the only redeeming thing about this ‘product’ is I kind of like the website design :)

  86. planetdaddy says:

    I need a service which will clean all the porn out of my computer should something happen to me. Don’t want my family finding my stash!

  87. HYDRAULICMONSTER says:

    Man, wouldn’t it be embarrassing if you signed up for this service, the Rapture comes, but you end up left behind as well.

    You’d have to call up all of your buddies to let them know.

    “Hey Steve? It’s Joe, you read your E-mail yet?”

  88. BryantNotus says:

    @The Great Aussie Evil:
    Yeah, its called religion.

  89. BlackFlag55 says:

    LOL. Boy, this is may be the utimate Bronx Cheer.

  90. Trai_Dep says:
  91. freepistol says:

    just what the bible belt needs, a way for the holier than thou to hassle family and friends from beyond the grave, and remove some more cash from the will.

  92. LeanderZeelula says:

    In related news, the Vatican is selling indulgences again.

  93. richcreamerybutter says:

    I predict a lot of the emails will read, “I CAN HAZ GOD. U MAD!!!” accompanied by an ascii goatse.

  94. XianZomby says:

    When the Rapture happens, as I understand it, worthy souls will be immediately snatched up to heaven, without warning.

    If that is the case, then sending these e-mails will have to be accomplished by one of two things: 1) Somebody who will clearly not be taken up to heaven must be left in charge of hitting the send button. 2) A special sensor, one that can detect the presence of God, must have been developed to automatically hit the send button in the event that he comes down to Earth to steal the souls of the righteous.

    As for number two, perhaps they have the dead body of a saint resting on an electronic scale. And when the dead body is lifted off to meet up with his soul, the weight change triggers the send button.

    Disclaimer: My understanding of the Rapture comes from bumper stickers that say “Warning: In the event of the Rapture, this car will be unattended.”

  95. mammalpants says:

    this service gives me peace of mind for $40 a month.

    now i can spend less of my time worrying about whether my mom gets an email saying im dead and in heaven and more time bangin hookers and stealing stuff!

  96. mammalpants says:

    correction…$40 a year. that’s even MORE affordable!

  97. acasto says:

    This could be used to launch a post-rapture EECB simply stating, “How do you like them apples?”

  98. LordieLordie says:

    When rapture actually comes, Ill be standing next to well dressed people which look like my size.. Could pick up grate suits and wife beaters..

    Also, y’all make sure that *@lord.com or *@jesus.com is put into your spam filter. You do not want to these important messages to site in spam folders while we all are getting dragged into hell..

  99. Wormfather says:

    I cant comment because everytime I hear the word rapture I cant help but think of how hot Blondie was back in 1980, the year I was born, relevance: 0.

    See that’s why I’m not oging to comment.

  100. atypicalxian says:

    As a Christian, I’m so embarrassed by this. I apologize on behalf of sane Christians everywhere.

  101. Trai_Dep says:

    FYI, this entry was featured as one of the questions on the CPR radio program, Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me…

  102. Imaginary_Friend says:

    Does one have to die to take advantage of this offer? Cause I think it’d be pretty hilarious to send them out now … especially if you’re not Christian.

  103. Bobg says:

    I’m shocked that Consumerist commenters would accuse religious people of scamming people. I’m going to report these commenters to Jimmie Swaggert, Pat Robertson and Oral Roberts. I’ve have enough of this slander.

  104. mrearly2 says:

    LOL!!!

  105. krom says:

    Dude, why didn’t I think of this. This is a great idea. For anyone to suggest it was a scam would be to deny rapturism. So you have thousands of American Evangelicals who can’t discredit you without discrediting their professed beliefs.

    I absolutely love it. I hope the founders are not really Rapture/LB believers, and if that’s true, kudos to them and their profits.