Trent at The Simple Dollar blog has a post about how to say no, especially to charitable requests. One of his readers describes the problem:
I am a sucker for girl scouts selling cookies. I am a sucker for salesman at stores. I am a sucker for my church when they need money for something. I am a sucker for friends and family who need to borrow money. I am a sucker for the Green Party or Green Peace when they call and ask for money all the time. I have heard it called “The Disease to Please” before and I just wanted you to know how much it affects me not only with a lot of stress and anxiety, but also financially.
The solution, advises Trent, is to pre-plan your charitable giving—then if someone isn’t on your list, you can truthfully say it’s beyond your control. And then slam the door on them.
He points out that while it may be hard for you to say no to people and organizations you agree with, if you pre-plan as he advises, then you have a very compelling reason to turn down the next request that wasn’t on your list.
It takes practice, especially for tenderhearted people who aim to please, but by not saying no, you’re actually taking money out of the hands of the things you really care about. Saying yes to the salesman in the store means that you now have less money to spend on stuff you actually need – or on charities you actually care about. Saying yes to the person knocking on your door means you have less money to give to the people you actually care about who need it.
Every time you say “yes” outside of your plan, you let down something you care about even more. Once you really learn that, “no” becomes a much easier thing to say.
“The Sucker Factor: The Cost of Being Unable to Say No – And How to Get Out of It” [The Simple Dollar]
(Photo: Getty Images)
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“No.” is a perfectly understood complete statement. I can’t stand when some schmuck insists he can change my mind after I give him a firm, “No.” Those who ignore my “no”s live to regret it.
I may enjoy that just a little too much deep, deep inside my soul.
No body want to hear about a serious illness in my family, my under employment, my burned home, a theft I experienced, a lawsuit with my name on it, how hard I have to work to hang on to just meager daily belongings, and my daily trials and tribulations. Be glad to only hear, NO, and leave it at that because as firm as my NO is, it is the most courtesy I can muster for some of the more aggressive charity beggars.
And the posted warning on my front door about my missing poisonous snake usually keeps door to door begging at a minimum. And no, I don’t donate to the bell rining Salvation Army individuals who set up shop outside the shopping centers around Halloween either. Give me a break.
i just say “we’ve already budgeted our donations for this year”.
I manage a charity and have some advice on this topic. First, charities vary widely in how effectively they use money. If you’re considering a donation, it’s worth finding out what percentage of their funds goes to direct program support vs. administrative overhead. You can find out at sites like guidestar.org and various charity rating bureaus.
However, the best way to determine if a charity is worth your money is to look at what results they’re getting (or not getting). Browse their web site, look at what they’ve achieved, and decide if they’re using their money effectively. It’s really all about results — donate to the groups that have a track record of turning funds into action. A charity could have very responsible fiscal policies (high percentage going to direct program support versus overhead), but if they’re not getting anything done, put your money elsewhere.
A couple of people mentioned that some charities pay high salaries to their employees. Just like any other business, charities get what they pay for; if they want to hire good people who will get great results, they need to pay competitive salaries. Just like in any sector, one well-paid person who kicks butt at their job is worth four or five lower-paid incompetent, lazy people.
There’s a little nonprofit outfit called “Consumer Reports” that has the oddly unethical practice of adding your name BY DEFAULT WITH NO OPT OUT OPTION just for signing up for their magazine. Of course, once you start getting your magazine and a bunch of crap mail, IF you somehow coded your subscription so you know CR was the source – you can find their phone number in the magazine and call them to “opt out.” Of course, once the marketeers get ahold of your information they are loathe to let go – the genie is out of the bottle.
Thanks for the shitmail, Consumers Reports – you’ve lost a subscriber but the recurring junkmail will keep your memory alive. Now, if only there were a group dedicated to standing up for consumer rights that could go to bat for us in situations like this… hmmm…………..
I have already exceeded my charitable budget for the month/year.
It says you are “good person”, but can’t afford to donate to that particular cause at this time.
Year works better to keep the repeat trollers away, but for most “requests” the monthly comment seems to go over nicer.
That photo reminds me of when I lived in Columbus, Mississippi. My first Halloween there I got a bunch of candy ready, but after several hours I only had one knock to the door. It was a teenage mother and her 2 kids–I held the candy to the kids and offered them to take as much as they wanted (since I hadn’t had any other visitors)–then the mother pushed the two kids aside after they took a few pieces and tried scooping handfuls into her own bag, until I yanked it away from her.
I never bothered with any other Halloweens after that.
That’s why we need to vote for Obama. Everybody will get taxed up to their Ear and you won’t have money left over to worry about. Oh don’t worry about it you are rich. It doesn’t matter how much you make you’re rich. Oh well, the US WAS one of the generous giving countries in the world.
@MissPeacock: This drives me crazy! My town has four major intersections and there used to be people there EVERY DAY…morning, noon and night! It got to be where I hated driving anywhere! I still have no clue who or what they were collecting for…I referred to them as the Philipino Nurses, because that is what they looked like. After a few months of this – and, I assume, a slew of complaints – the town passed an ordinance requiring all those solicitors to meet a bunch of requirements as well as fill out a butt-load of forms!
This is an easy one.
Just say: “No, thank you”.
You’re not obligated to explain any further. Plain and simple.
“I gave at the office”
well it’s simple. I just don’t give to charities.
Some charities are such big money making companies I just don’t trust any anymore. You pay 10 bucks and a few dimes go to the actual cause after employees are paid and such.
We already pre-plan and budget for our charitable giving.
One time, a kid shilling for some sort of anti-drug charity pressed his point after I declined, saying “but it’s for a really good cause.”
My reply? “I’m sure it is, but I can only support so many really good causes. And I’m afraid that I won’t be able to support yours. But I do wish you good luck.”
Done.
I have a notebook where I write down the mailing address and webpages for the charities that I like and would like to support. So when someone comes, I get out the notebook, take the information down, and say, “We have a budget for two charities per month. Let’s see, looks like the rotation will come around to you in about…3 1/2 years. Thanks!”
I also chose my charities carefully, and set up automatic donations to each one. Now, I feel no guilt throwing out the random solicitation letters, or saying “no” to phone calls – especially when it’s a charity that covers a similar cause to one of the existing recipients. Being polite & wishing them good luck is about all I can do, and I know it.
I just pretend I don’t see them. I look straight ahead. Lock my car doors. Turn up the stereo. Take a sip of my cola. Scratch my face. Stare at the hole in the knee of my pants. Pretend to be having an important business conversation on my cell phone. Flip through magazine. And whatever else is at hand until the light changes. The I give them the finger and drive away quickly.
Sometimes I give them a few bucks.
I love that Eddie Murphy skit.
I’m pretty good at saying no to charities when I’m tight on cash. I like to give if I’ve got it. I don’t give to charities that do phone solicitations because I don’t like being called at home and it’s to easy to find yourself on a phone list that gets sold all over the place.
What bothers me is the calls I get from Police Benevolence organizations. I think it’s wrong for any organization with ‘authority’ to collect donations in a non-anonymous way. It’s too much of a conflict of interest.
I also don’t like the firemen would stand at busy intersections and solicit, because they cause traffic jams and unsafe traffic conditions. (I’m not a big fan of ‘honk if you support us’ demonstrators for the same reason, although I’ve been guilty of that myself. To be fair we were protesting that the local mall had moved the bus stop out away from the mall to a really busy road where people have to stand in the cold and risk traffic, so at least it had something to do with the protest.)
I’ve tried being noncommittal with door to door people. Several times it will tick them off and they storm off all mad like, as if I insulted them or shot their dog or something. Sheesh. Not good tact at all.
The ones that irk me are these people that sell magazine subscriptions or candy to help them get points to go on a trip or something from time to time in our apartment complex. They usually come by at various times during the year. Some obnoxious people. I usually let them do their spiel, and then tell them I can’t afford it (which is true, as being married, being in grad school, and magazine subscriptions are not compatible with each other). Sometimes after a few attempts at pushing, they will just ask me for a dollar donation or something. Sheesh. Or they will use swear words in their presentation, at which point I completely turn my brain off and let them finish.
/end rant
I find that the best way to say no is to just say that my budget doesn’t allow for any more giving than I already do. You have to be insistent, but it generally works just fine. To avoid feeling bad, that really has to be true.
Cheers!
Ever since I found out that the CEO of the United Way was taking the Concord ( this was 20 years ago ) I keep it local. Like the single moms that dance on a pole. I give them lots of dollars.
I hate those guys that come to my door trying to sell candy and crap that I don’t want at like a 300% markup. This weekend some dude came to my door and I was like “no, sorry, I don’t want anything” and he’s like “well hold on, I’m not selling anything, I just want to tell you about such and such…” and yet he’s holding his plastic bin of shit to sell, and I’m like “do you not see the ghetto ass apartment that I’m living in? I don’t have any money to give to you.” He looked hurt and insulted, but it’s like fuck it man, I don’t have to feel bad, I’m poor, where’s my donation?
I always say, “No thanks” and leave it at that. Although, sometimes I am tempted to say rather loudly, “Noooooooo!”