Scott Toilet Paper: Wipe With Less!

We don’t know how lucky we have it.

Toilet paper is cheap, plus and plentiful. hen my grandfather was in World War 2, toilet paper was a luxury. Each soldier was given 5 squares per day, and it wasn’t the vellum-like angel skin toilet paper we have today… it was discarded scraps of the sandpaper used to scrape rust off of the tanks. My grandfather’s greatest war story? It’s not the time he helped liberate a concentration camp, nor the time we watched General MacArthur beat the crap out of one of his senior aides. It’s the time he survived an attack of dysentery with a single square of toilet paper.

So he’d sneer at us gorram pansies for having the gall to complain that Scott Toilet Paper rolls have recently lost 300 inches from every roll: each square of paper has been downsized by 0.3 inches. But perhaps we can put it into context for gramps when we say that toilet paper used to be 4.5 inches per roll, before companies like Scott started downsizing the acreage we get for cleaning our asses. We’ve lost 800 inches from every roll over the last couple decades. And isn’t preserving the American dream of plentiful toilet paper what we fought the Nazis about in the end, anyway?

Scott Toilet Paper: Still 1000 Sheets [Mouseprint]

Comments

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  1. factotum says:

    Scott TP is the worst. It’s the kind they use in public restrooms in the wilderness or next to heavily traveled interstates. It’s sngle-ply, has no tensile strength, and is rough.

    Give me Northern Ultra Quilted, please.

  2. Paul D says:

    “gorram”?

    Do we have a Browncoat in our midst?

    Awesome.

  3. Kat says:

    Note to all stores that use cheap toilet paper: If we can see through it, don’t put it in your restrooms!

    Why do stores use cheap see-through toilet paper? (rhetorical question – I know, cost and clogs.) The cheaper it is, the more we have to use. If they bought decent toilet paper, we could all use less.

  4. RogueSophist says:

    Fei hua.

  5. bambino says:

    Best.
    Post.
    EVAR.

  6. any such name says:

    are you guys taking dumps so flaming that you always need to pamper your ass with the quilted?
    wipe & leave, man!
    i only use scott because i know it won’t clog up my old plumbing, and the roll lasts forever.

  7. are you guys taking dumps so flaming that you always need to pamper your ass with the quilted?

    No, not always! Sheesh!

    The use of ‘gorram’ also made me smile. This post is also shiny and green.

  8. are you guys taking dumps so flaming that you always need to pamper your ass with the quilted?

    Not ALWAYS. Sheesh!

    The use of ‘gorram’ made me smile. This post is also shiny and green.

  9. DAMN!

  10. AcidReign says:

    …..Just leave the “sending comment” tab alone for a few minutes. It’s probably been posted. The individual commenter pages are great for checking on this!

    …..I hate Scott with a passion. My workplace uses those humongous 2-foot diameter rolls. God help you if you have to take a dump at work. It’s a burney-butt day thereafter! Scott is true “John Wayne Paper:” rough and tough, and won’t take shit off of anybody!

  11. Demingite says:

    Quilted Northern: By far my fave.

    All other brands seem to either produce annoying and prodigious lint and dust (e.g., Cottonelle), or else are scratchy and weak (e.g., basically all of the cheaper brands).

  12. Just leave the “sending comment” tab alone for a few minutes. It’s probably been posted. The individual commenter pages are great for checking on this!

    Usually all I have to do is go to the home page and come back to the entry.
    All this time I thought clicking on my name would just take me to the web site in my info. This is much more nifty.

    All other brands seem to either produce annoying and prodigious lint and dust (e.g., Cottonelle)

    Oooh, especially Cottonelle! Didn’t Quilted Northern use to advertise the fact that they had less lint?