Amazon Wedding Wishlist: A Lesbian Speaks

Unadulterated gold: Amazon.com hates all lesbians. Or, at least one. An open letter, ostensibly to us.

    Dear Consumerist,

    I’m writing for help with Amazon’s “Your Lists” feature. I don’t object to Amazon’s attempt to get me to want/buy more by creating ever more wish lists. I do object, however, to the Wedding List. I am a lesbian, and cannot get married in 49 of the 50 states. Seeing that Wedding List prompt every time I visit Amazon is like being greeted with a hot stick in the eye. Could you please prevail on Amazon to introduce a “turn off” switch for the Wedding List?

    Thank you,

    Teresa Ortega

What do you say, Amazon, a little help for the ladies who like ladies? Or anyone who doesn’t want to be reminded of the matrimonial bliss they could be purchasing right now in the very near future?

Demographic targeting only works if the population slice is smaller than a breadbox warehouse.

Comments

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  1. P33KAJ3W says:

    Fucking bull dyke.

  2. yumyum says:

    Shut the fuck up, P33KAJ3W faggot. You’re so far in the closet, Narnia’s charging rent.

  3. julian says:

    I’d also quite like the ability to tell amazon that I am, in fact, a gay man, and that recommending books of “shaven nudists” to me when I’ve been looking at digital cameras is rather a futile attempt to sell books of naked woman to me.

  4. matto says:

    jesus christ, this, of all things, is what gets your dykey panties in a bunch?

  5. Rick Dobbs says:

    Dear All Lesbians:

    Please send video proof of your lesbianism to lesbians@amazon.com. Be sure to include specific identifiers such as oil, a shaving scene, or cheerleader outfits.

    Once recieved and verified, we will remove from your page.

    Thank you,

    Amazon.com Customer Support

  6. mrscolex says:

    Hey I’m fucking blind and I want Amazon to remove books from my search because I can’t read them. Hearing the search being read by my text-to-speech accessibility reader every time I visit Amazon is like being greeted with a hot stick in my ear.

    Hey I’m paraplegic and seeing those advertisements for Cirque Du Soleil is like being greeted with a hot stick in my ass.

  7. Danilo says:

    Hey, uh, this is a joke, right? You can’t be serious.

    I don’t want to seem insensitive, but this letter is bullshit. My mom is a lesbian. She had a wedding! A lesbian one! It may not have been a legally-binding wedding but that didn’t make it any less meaningful. There was wedding cake and presents and rings and honeymoon and all that stuff. So, not impressed by the whole “everything related to wedding is irrelevant and insulting to me” reasoning.

    Even putting that aside, what a seriously lame thing by which to be offended.

    Sidebar: yumyum, that’s a quality line.

  8. homerjay says:

    I’m currently male. Seeing the baby registry greeting me every time I go to amazon.com makes me want to have a sex change and bear a child but since modern medicine has only perfected half of what I desire, I find it highly offensive. Please remove all references to children and babies from your website.

    Also, I will be joining mrscolex in his protest. I would also like you to remove all items that contain printed or written words of any type.

    Thank you.

  9. yerfatma says:

    Already married. It’s such a kick in the shorts that I can’t go through that year-long process again. And what about priests? Rise up, my opressed brothers and sisters!

    /files under White People Problems

  10. ikes says:

    i enjoy running, but at the moment i have a sprained ankle. everytime i log onto amazon the site recommends running books, just because i bought some before. STOP TAUNTING ME AMAZON. who do i have to sue to get them to stop with this harrassment?!

  11. homerjay says:

    Did somebody say “Class Action?????”

  12. OkiMike says:

    Dear Amazon,

    I am offended that you sell “book on tape” since, technically, they are not books. Please remove them from your lists as they confuse me.

    Regards.

  13. karl hungus says:

    is Teresa in Park Slope? This reeks of the “park slope, boys hat” incident

    judge for yourself

  14. tinyrooster says:

    Guys, your interest overwhelms me. All this time I’ve been thinking that the mainstreaming of lesbian imagery had robbed ordinary lesbians of their capacity to upset people. But your ability to be offended by my request renews my faith in lesbians’ ability to get people riled! Thank you so much.

    Teresa Ortega

  15. RandomHookup says:

    Teresa–

    You’re welcome. And please say hi to all the ladies for us.

  16. mrscolex says:

    Teresa,

    Maybe we’d pay more attention to the GLBT agenda if they didn’t adopt a tone such as yours. Whats the point of paying attention to the legitimate issues if there are people like you who are more interested in just riling people up? You can’t take the higher ground on that one. You’ve taken the stance of that of a small child “The world doesn’t work my so I’m just going to throw my fist in the air and make a fuss” and then take a stance of bemusement as a result of getting slammed.

    Way to take one for the team there, Teresa.