As we reported earlier, a Missouri Wal-Mart was accused of refusing to sell purple ribbon, stating it could be used for immoral Mardis Gras celebrations.

Calls upon calls to the store asking for people ribbon ensued after the story was posted here and on the Metafilter group blog. Arts & Craft employees continue to allege they have purple ribbon in stock.

Commenter “The Devil Himself” called and had a chat:

Walmart: Hello, Arts & Crafts, yes we have ribbon.

The Devil Himself: Hello, yes, I need some ribbon.

Well, we have purple ribbon. All colors. Everyone’s been callin’ about the ribbon, sayin’ we don’t sell it ’cause it’s blasphemous. We have ribbon.

I see. Actually, um, I need some red and black ribbon. Do you have that? I need it for a Satan-worshipping party.

A what?

A satan-worshipping party. We’re having a Satan-worshipping party, and we’re going to praise Satan, worship at the altar of Satan, and reject Jesus, so we need decorations, and I need some red and black ribbon to, you know, honor the Prince of Darkness.

Well it ain’t up to me what you do with the ribbon, it’s up to the person buying it.

ME: So it’s okay with you if I buy ribbon for a satanic festival?

Like I said it ain’t up to me what you do with it. But we got red and black ribbon.

ME: Great, okay, thank you.

Thank yew for callin’ Wal-Mart.

Having called the Wal-Mart we think the dialogue accurately captures the employees’ twang and harried tone.

Don’t delay, call (816) 792-4644 today. Ask for enough purple ribbon to keep a children’s choir silent in a basement.

Previously: Walmart Refuses to Sell ‘Sinful’ Purple Ribbon, Man Claims

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