Every time a certain Pennsylvania woman gazes at her $10,000 wedding ring, she’ll think of her plumber, who managed to scavenge it out of oblivion after she accidentally flushed down the toilet.
“Hate me while fixing the toilet.”
What with Wal-Mart employees wanking off directly into the agog faces of our nation’s youth and all, it can sometimes be hard to remember that — yes! — real American heroes work there too. Average Working Joes? Maybe! But those dehumanizing blue smocks, those bright yellow smiley face buttons can’t bely the spirit of Akhilleus that surges through their veins.
Everyone’s had that horrible moment once in their life when they just had to go to the bathroom, yet couldn’t. Maybe you were stuck on a wide-open stretch of highway, or enduring the spasms of your bladder on an airplane when stuck in a delayed landing pattern. At first, you try to ignore it, but pretty soon, you can feel it practically bubbling up in your stomach, swimming around your molars. You’re certain if you don’t vacate immediately, geysers will start spraying out of your ears like a cartoon character.