Because it’s every American’s right (duty?) to be scared, and to shop, someone has invented the perfect terror protection must-have for back-to-school: bulletproof backpacks! The inventors, both of them fathers of school-age children, say the special plate sewn into the back of the bag can withstand not only bullets, but machetes, hatchets, and Ka-bar knives.
kids
What To Do With Preschoolers When You Can't Afford Preschool
By 8.11.07
It’s Saturday morning, also known as Kids Run Wild Day, when you begin your weekly 48-hour endurance challenge and dream of the relative peace that will come on Monday when you return to work. But what if your kid isn’t school age yet? Preschool “tuition” can be more expensive than a well-groomed drug habit, all but guaranteeing poverty until you can ship the tyke off to kindergarten. SmartMoney notes that on average, preschool tuition now runs $7,000 per year, and they offer a few alternatives for the cash-strapped owner of a 3-year-old.
FTC Subpoenas 44 Food Companies That Target Kids
By 8.10.07
The FTC has issued subpoenas to 44 food and beverage companies that market to kids, including Burger King, Coca-Cola, McDonald’s, and Kraft. The companies are being called on to disclose how much they spend on their marketing campaigns to kids, as well as “specific information about their marketing practices,” by November 1st of this year.
529 College Savings Plans By State
By 8.8.07
There are two types of 529 plans: pre-paid tuition plans and college savings plans. All fifty states and the District of Columbia sponsor at least one type of 529 plan. In addition, a group of private colleges and universities sponsor a pre-paid tuition plan.
You can learn more about 529 plans at the Security & Exchange commission’s website, and compare them at Bankrate.com. Keep in mind: Not all 529 plans are the same, some are better investments than others.
Lead-Tainted Charms From China Very Unlucky
By 8.7.07
The poisonous lead story continues this week with news that 20% of trinkets and charms sold in the United States still contain dangerous levels of lead. In a surprise to no one, “of the 17.9 million pieces of jewelry items pulled from the market since the start of 2005, 95 percent were made in China.” Here’s a good scare quote to drive home the danger:
Jewelry is perhaps the most dangerous place for lead because children can swallow an entire ring or pendant, causing acute poisoning, which can cause respiratory failure, seizures and even death, whereas neurological damage and learning deficiencies are often associated with exposure to lead paint. Many children also tend to suck on jewelry or put it in their mouths, allowing lead to be absorbed into their bloodstream.
Study Shows Fast Food Zombies Are Made At An Early Age
By 8.6.07
A new study is reporting that very young children are highly susceptible to the daily onslaught of branded fast food advertising: “most 3- and 5-year-olds who taste-tested a variety of foods said they preferred the ones in the McDonald’s wrapper — even though the foods were exactly the same.”
Is Someone Impersonating Your Child?
By 8.3.07
SmartMoney reports on the threat of underage identity theft; 5% of FTC complaints in 2005 were about victims 18 years old or younger. Children are often perfect targets, because they have social security numbers that are largely unused–which means unchecked–until they’re old enough to apply for their first job or credit card.
…shortly after [Kristen Smith’s] 16-year-old son started a summer gig at a local car dealership… his new employer conducted a routine background check that returned shocking news: A man living in Phoenix was using his Social Security number. Even more shocking was the discovery by the local police department that there was more than one perpetrator. In 1994, a man from Pennsylvania with a DUI arrest on his record had been using Smith’s son’s Social Security number as well.
33-Year-Old Mother Banned From Walmart For Life
By 7.29.07
Meet Anenide Cherry. Walmart banned her from entering their Palm Bay, FL store after she was caught using her three kids to steal merchandise worth over $300. Loss prevention officers observed Cherry’s tikes, ages 6, 12, and 15, bagging unscanned items at the self-checkout counter. From Local6:
String Bikinis: Now Available for Toddlers!
By 6.28.07
GapKids recently featured a white, crocheted string bikini you’d likely see Anna Kournikova wearing on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. The bikini was for a 12-month-old.
How To Teach Your Kids To Clean Their Own Rooms
By 6.25.07
DIY Site Curbly has an excellent post about teaching your kids to clean their own rooms.
FTC To Investigate Deceptive Youth-Oriented Advertising Practices, Like KFC's "21st Century Dinner Bell," Audible Only To Kids
By 5.22.07
A report damning the coercive and deceptive practices used by food marketers to reach kids has been submitted to the FTC. The Commission plans to investigate how the food industry markets to children and adolescents; information requests, Commission-speak for subpoenas, have been sent to 44 companies that manufacture, market, and distribute foods and beverages.
Shrek To Market "Healthy" McDonald's Choices To Kids. What?
By 5.10.07
A chubby troll , or giant, or whatever Shrek is supposed to be isn’t exactly the best spokesperson for healthy eating, but McDonald’s is using him anyway. The McDonald’s Shrek themed “Milk and Apples” campaign launches tomorrow.
Indoor Playground Takes Wrong Tack When Child Steps On Pushpin
By 12.28.06
Brady’s 14-month-old son stepped on a push pin at an indoor playground store at a local mall.
Don’t Eat The Marshmallows Shot By The Marshmallow Shooter
By 12.6.06
Adding to this marshmallow shooter’s retardation as a product, it contains contradictory instructions. The package boasts, “Edible Ammo!” but the warning label says, “Do not eat marshmallows after shooting.” This angers us. We’re going to YouTube ourselves smashing mallows. We’ll run that evil The Marshmallow Fun Company out of business. Just kidding, but seriously, this is dumb.— BEN POPKEN
Armor of God PJ’s
By 8.24.06
Heathens that we are, we’re late to this story (gawd, so Andrew Sullivan is above us on the tip stream?) but we like religious themed sleepwear too much to ignore it out of pride, which is a sin, btw. One of the seven deadly.
McDonald’s Christens Playgrounds as Gyms
By 7.14.06
Just stop trying, McDonald’s. Go back to selling unhealthy cheese burgers, dripping with fat; tall gelatinous shakes, so cold and sweet they give brain freeze along with diabetes to all who taste them. That’s what you did best. You never should have caved to the vegetarians, the health-conscious, the Spurlock Collective: just told them to eat somewhere else.
It Snot Nose Candy
By 7.11.06
Just what the world constabulary of disgusting children needs: a plastic schnozz you fit over your real honker and into which you poke your tongue to eat candy boogers.
