As we prepare to enter the most wonderful time of the year—the time after the holidays are over—The Consumerist is working to help prepare you for the inevitable calls to customer service departments. Whether it’s to return a product, get some directions, or just to find a sympathetic voice to leave on hold for ten minutes at a time *, you’re going to have to navigate the Interactive Voice Response systems that serve as gatekeepers to real, bored human employees.