Have you ever wondered what that numbered zebra stripe on the box of every purchase really means? Yes, your fears are true. It does contain secret messages the manufacturer is trying to communicate to the bar code scanner. But we have a secret decoder ring you can use to figure them out using your brain powers.
Snazzy new bar codes are starting to adorn our fruit and vegetables to stop blurry-eyed cashiers from ringing up organic produce as the cheaper-priced regular stuff. They’re called GS1 DataBars, and they’re already appearing in select supermarkets to help consumers move faster through checkout lines.
As all men know, in our dystopian future, bar codes will be tattooed directly over our pineal gland for easier government processing. This is supported by a vast library of dystopian fiction and comic books. And — as those high school sophomores who will so feverishly insist that 1984 is Orwell’s line by line premonition of the Bush Administration well know — these things always come true. So those of us with a flair for fashion should probably start thinking ahead about what statement we want our bar codes to make.