Masturbating Walmart Shopper Banned From Any Store That Sells Kids Toys

You may remember the story from September about the man in Florida who was caught red-handed (or at least sweaty-palmed) pleasuring himself to a Sports Illustrated magazine in the toy section of his local Walmart. Now it looks like the man has cut a deal that would keep him out of jail — and away from the retail giant and any other store that sells toys for children.

The Smoking Gun obtained a copy of a court document showing that the 28-year-old, who spent around a month locked up after his arrest, has been sentenced to “community control,” which includes GPS monitoring and “no contact with Walmart or any other store where children’s toys are sold.”

For those of you coming late to this story, the man was accused of swiping a Sports Illustrated from the Walmart shelf, heading over to the toy section where he pleasured himself until he… um, finished… on the floor. Store employees say he then took the… results… of his efforts and wiped them on a nearby toy (a Star Wars lightsaber, to be precise).

Walmart Pleasure Seeker Barred From Retail Giant []


Edit Your Comment

  1. carefree dude says:

    he used the force.

  2. obits3 says:

    But did he have a receipt for that magazine?

  3. framitz says:

    I wouldn’t have cut a deal, I would have prosecuted.

    • xxmichaelxx says:

      Agreed. This isn’t like stealing, where the perp might learn his lesson and correct his behavior. What turns you on will ALWAYS turn you on. The guy’s a sex offender and an attempted (as far as we know) child molester.

      Put him away.

      • shepd says:

        If it’s uncorrectable and part of his genetics/upbringing/not-his-fault then it’s a disability and he deserves whatever treatment is available, not jail. That’s like putting someone with Tourette’s in prison because they swear at children.

        That being said, I actually disagree with you on the idea of someone’s tastes never changing and he should instead receive some jail time (for not having either controlled himself or deciding to seek treatment himself) and treatment to make his safe for society.

    • Groanan says:

      He is a sex offender? Really? I was not aware that he raped or sexually assaulted anyone.
      Oh, you mean he masturbated in public, and you think that should carry a heft jail sentence and a life of public shame? The guy clearly has some mental issues and needs help (or supervision of some sort).

      And child molester? Google the image he was masturbating to, she like looks like anything but a prepubescent girl. The article does not say how old the girls who first got him aroused were, but are you suggesting that it should be a crime to become aroused?


    • sonneillon says:

      Luckily for our various budgets you are not in charge. It is expensive to hold a trial. If you were against every plea bargain that involved something yucky your overzealous prosecutions would lead to a bankrupt city. Offer the plea get him to stop his behavior and move on. If he repeat offends nail his balls to the outside of the court. That’s how most city courts work and there is good reason behind that.

      I also have a theory that if everyone during a particular month fights their speeding ticket. The whole judicial system will shut down.

      • lucky13 says:

        He’s a sex offender because he was masturbating in a public place – specifically in the toy aisle where children might have seen him (which could also classify him as a child molester).

        You can get the sex offender label for urinating in an alley these days, so it is certainly appropriate in this case – not because of the picture he was looking at in the magazine but the location of his offense (the toy aisle). He obviously made some poor choices!

        • lucky13 says:

          Sorry – this was in reply to Groanan’s comment below.

          • Groanan says:

            I understand that the public urination -> sex offender laws are nonsensical, but we don’t have to embrace stupidity in the law.

            I agree that he is more of a sex offender than a man urinating on a bush, but neither public urinators, nor public masturbators, are committing sexual assaults / attempting sexual assaults (no one it touched or forced to participate – these are solo acts).

            If Megan’s law is to be at all helpful, sex offender status should be limited to those who were, and might still be, a danger to others.

            Masturbating in a place where children might see you is a bit too low of a bar for molestation in my book. Would there be an at home and your children don’t knock exception?

  4. Murph1908 says:

    Considering every store, including grocery stores, gas station marts, 7-11/Wawa/Royal Farms stores, etc all sell kids toys to some degree, this guy would be wise to sign up for Amazon Prime.

    • teke367 says:

      Well, it says he has a daughter, but not if he’s married or in a relationship. If he is married, perhaps this was all just some giant scheme to get out of running errands for two years.

    • cosby says:

      That was my first thought when I read this. I was thinking who doesn’t sell at least some stupid kids toys. Hell 7-11 has toys.

  5. the Persistent Sound of Sensationalism says:

    Gonna be rough to buy groceries since they sell kids toys at checkout and in other areas too (like next to the magazines). Guess Peapod is going to get another customer.

  6. Hoss says:

    A substitute teacher and the father of a daughter? The judge should have ordered psych treatments

    • lemur says:

      I went to check the TSG article and the scanned documents. The form which has the sentencing information has a check in a box labeled “psychological evaluation” in a special conditions section of the form. Given the context in which it appears (including the other choices like “public service” and “dui school”, “no contact”) I take it to mean that the court has ordered a psychological evaluation.

  7. Geekybiker says:

    Most grocery stores sell toys for children…

  8. Liam Kinkaid says:

    I guess that rap was something…

    *Takes off sunglasses*

    this guy couldn’t beat.


  9. Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

    “The magazine he selected was the 2010 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue featuring model Brooklyn Decker on its cover.”

    I Googled Brooklyn Decker. I’m on his side now. Damn.

  10. sweetgreenthing says:

    This guy needs some mental health evaluations done, especially if he is around kids and has a kid… While not being able to go into basically any store ever is certainly a bummer, this seems like a weak ruling.

  11. TheGreySpectre says:

    Don’t most grocery stores have small kids sections of crappy kids toys?

  12. webweazel says:

    So, this guy whips it out in a public store, rubs one out right in basically full public view, etc. and he’s just “banned” from the stores and gets probation? Meanwhile, across town, a guy who got caught by an overzealous cop taking a whiz behind a store’s dumpster is being forced to sign up on the “sexual predator” list, thus ruining his life forever? How does this compute?

  13. VOIDMunashii says:

    I am having trouble thinking of any stores that sell food that do not sell toys too. I think the AM/PM up the street may not have any toys, but that’s about it. He’s gonna have himself an inconvenient life from now on.

  14. zzyzzx says:

    Cleanup on aisle 9!!!

  15. Groanan says:

    So we need to ban him from toy stores but not restaurants? This ruling makes no sense to me.

    And to the idea that he left something behind that children may run into… I am sure children and other adults have left behind many things nearly as disgusting at a Walmart (filled diapers come to mind).

    I would still put random semen on a shelf/floor as a bit more disturbing, and I am behind him being banned by Walmart from Walmart, and I could see this guy needing a mental evaluation, but I cannot see this as being a serious crime or something that we really need to worry about.

    Stop thinking about the children, he wasn’t, he pulled a swimsuit magazine to finish the deed – not a Disney Kids magazine.

    • lucky13 says:

      But he did it in the toy aisle! Whwere is the first place kids gravitate towards in any store?

      • Groanan says:

        You cannot randomly punch the air with your keys in your hand without stabbing a child at Walmart – so I really don’t see the specialness of the toy isle. It sounds as if he was the only one there at the time, so perhaps he chose it because it was empty?

        I can’t defend public masturbation, that should clearly be banned next to public defecation; but without more I cannot see this as being a child predator case. Child predators are usually billed as the type that are not aroused by adults, and this guy seems to be.

  16. dolemite says:

    I’m a bit confused on everyone’s (including the judge’s) take that he is a threat to children. I see nothing in the story that would indicate he is a pedophile. Masturbating to a sports Illustrated means he is turned on by adult women. Most likely the toy isle was close to the magazines, and probably handily empty at the time.

    Sure, he’s dumb for what he did, but I don’t see the call for “put the pedo where he belongs”. The argument is completely illogical.

    I did see where he mentioned “some girls” turned him on, but I’m imagining those were maybe a group of college girls or something.

    • lucky13 says:

      “Most likely the toy isle was close to the magazines, and probably handily empty at the time.”

      But what are the odds that it would have stayed empty of children until he finished? I’m not convinced the sentence was harsh enough.

      • dolemite says:

        Then..some children might have seen something they could at the zoo in the monkey cages. Contrary to popular belief, children are fairly resilient when it comes to shocks. For instance, I bet the children that survived the Haitian disaster grow up and lead perfectly normal lives despite death and destruction surrounding them, as far as the eye can see. Surely our pampered US children will be able to do the same, despite catching a glimpse of a man’s wiener in his hand?

        • PdxPhoenix says:

          That’s a mite too rational…

          You ain’t from ’round here are ya?

        • MrEvil says:

          HOW DARE YOU BRING REASON INTO THIS! Will someone not think of the precious snowflakes?

          Hell, when I was a kid growing up on the farm I saw all manner of animals fucking and I wasn’t scarred for life. It’s a natural part of being alive.

          WHAT WILL scar a kid for life is watching a grizzly death scene in an R rated movie when you’re 6. That shit still gives me nightmares.

      • Groanan says:

        Unless they found that he chose the toy isle, because he wanted to give children sticky surprises, I do not see how this limitation helps.

        The guy has already shown that he has poor judgement.
        Either he is stupid, mentally ill, or some combination of the two.
        I do not believe him when he says that he is not a pervert.

        I think the ban on toy stores is arbitrary and capricious.
        If he was wanking it in the linen department would he be banned from stores that sell sheets?
        It is not like avoiding toy stores avoids exposure to children.
        And it is not like we want him doing this in any stores whatsoever.
        I’d be happier if a four year old caught him doing it rather than someone my age who is old enough to know what is going on and is able to be disgusted by it.
        Little kids don’t mind used condoms on the ground like us adults do.

  17. sopmodm14 says:

    good riddance to this sicko

    • Groanan says:

      Do you work at a store that sells toys? If not, he’ll still be visiting you (especially if you sell magazines).

  18. Intheknow says:

    Just ewwww!

  19. haggis for the soul says:

    This makes it seem like he is more of a danger to toys than to children. Who will think of the toys??

  20. prizgrizbiz says:

    Is that hair gel?