I am shooting PLUNDER FUNNEL – a video short skewering sleazy late night infomercial get rich quick schemes! And I need 2 actors.

Need:
1 bombastic salesman
1 girl to open a mailbox and have money shoot into her face and then fall over

Shooting in-studio Monday/Tuesday 3/22-3/23 in YONKERS, NY, green screen up the yinyang.
Video will be shot in HD and, in April, appear prominently on Consumerist.
Transportation, tiny stipend, lunch, DVD of final version, provided.

Hit me up if you’re game – ben@consumerist.com

Here is the script:

PLUNDER FUNNEL
BEN POPKEN

EXT. YARD – DAY
JEROME stands in front of a fountain on a large green yard. Behind is a red sports car in the driveway.

VOICEOVER
Plunder funnel!

JEROME
Hi, I’m Jerome Windexter, and I’m here to teach you the secrets of achieving financial freedom. Just attend one of my free seminars this weekend at the-

VOICEOVER
– Newark Double Tree Motel –

JEROME
– To learn how to make thousands while you sleep. This is not a scam, ripoff, hustle, swindle, shenanigan, flimflam, boondoggle, decepticon, or even a scam!

VOICEOVER
Plunder funnel!

JEROME
Do you know two people? Good!

CUT TO graphic of one stick figure with two stick figures below. Green dollar signs start flow from the two people to the first. A pyramid of people pop up with a river of dollar signs flowing to the top.

JEROME
My proven system will teach you how to transform any human relationship into cold hard cash!

CUT TO Jerome sitting in fountain, now with lots of cash in the water. He splashes around.

JEROME
How much would you like to be earning in extra income per month? A thousand? Five thousand? Seven hundred thousand three-hundred twenty-nine? The only limit is infinity!

CUT TO MAN opening mail. He opens his bank statement. Under account balance it says, “$∞”

MAN
Thanks, plunder funnel!

JEROME
Some so-called “investigative journalists” have called this a “pyramid scheme.”

CUT TO Jerome standing in front of fountain, dripping. A superimposed graphic of a pyramid appears.

JEROME
But flip a pyramid and what do you get? A funnel! A plunder funnel gushing straight into your bank account.

The pyramid graphic flips over and shakes up and down, dumping gold into a treasure chest.

JEROME
No gimmicks or gotchas. No envelope-stuffing or juice crystals. Just money, money, money!

CUT TO WOMAN in bathrobe opening their mailbox in front of the house. An explosion of cash shoots out and hits her in the face, knocking her over. She laughs with delight. The cash continues to shoot out and pile up on her.

VOICEOVER
Plunder funnel!

CUT TO Jerome in sportscar revving engine. BIKINI GALS lay writhing everywhere, fondling layers of jeweled necklaces.

JEROME
So I’ll see you this weekend at the –

VOICEOVER
– Newark Double Tree Motel –

JEROME
– Or call the number at the bottom of your screen to receive my free internet book!

VOICEOVER
Shipping and handling not included.

JEROME
The money is out there just sitting in people’s wallets, practically begging you to take it! The only question is, will you?

CUT TO wad of cash sticking out of a wallet.

MONEY
Please! Take us! We’re so horny!

CUT TO star going supernova. “CALL NOW!!!” graphic zooms in.

BLACKOUT

Want more consumer news? Visit our parent organization, Consumer Reports, for the latest on scams, recalls, and other consumer issues.