A federal judge has sentenced Bernard L. Madoff to 150 years in prison, after which time we assume he’ll drink the blood of the living, hang out a shingle, and start soliciting “investments.”

The New York Times reports that the judge didn’t buy Madoff’s theory that there was some sort of “mob vengeance” surrounding calls for a long prison term.

“Objectively speaking, the fraud here was staggering,” the judge said. “It spanned more than 20 years.”

Of course, this was just a polite, judgy way of saying “LOL, no dude, what you did really is that bad.“

Speaking for himself, Fraudy McEvil told the court his life really sucks.

“I live in a tormented state now, knowing all of the pain and suffering that I’ve created. I’ve left a legacy of shame, as some of my victims have pointed out, to my family and my grandchildren.”

He also apologized to his victims, acknowledging that it didn’t really matter if he was sorry.

“I will turn and face you. I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t help you.”

The Times also noted that when passing the maximum sentence on Captain Jackass, the judge mentioned that no one — not “friends, family or other supporters had submitted any letters on Mr. Madoff’s behalf, attesting to the strength of his character or good deeds he had done.”

So, future Madoffs, take note: Be sure to Robin Hood it up whilst stealing people’s life savings. It’ll look better in court.

Madoff Sentenced to 150 Years in Prison for Ponzi Scheme [NYT]

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