Consumerist And Consumer Reports Will Crap All Over Your Holiday Weekend

It’s Memorial Day weekend, the weather is looking nice, and people are leaving work early to hit the pool, fire up the grill, play golf, or enjoy our national pastime. We’re doing none of those things, so we thought we’d ruin it for everyone else.

Thinking about taking a dip in the pool this weekend? According to Consumer Reports, over 15,000 people went to the ER or had to call poison control after being injured by pool chemicals in 2007.

Maybe you don’t have a pool, but you were going to have a little backyard barbecue, grill up some burgers, and relax. Make sure that your burgers aren’t part of the 96,000 pounds of contaminated ground beef that was just recalled for e. coli. (Maybe you should just get some cheap steaks instead.)

If you were planning on escaping the slobs and hiding amongst the upper crust at your country club, you’re out of luck: the economic meltdown means fewer people are buying country club memberships, and they’re being forced to open up their golf courses, restaurants, and other services to the public. This one country club in Pennsylvania has pretty much become a dive bar: people drink two-for-one Coors Light out of bottles, and snort lines of nacho cheese off of framed portraits of past club presidents.

Oh and also, if you live in the DC area and were thinking about taking advantage of the nice weather to go see a baseball game, not so much for the home team but maybe they’re playing someone good, you’re out of luck: it’s interleague play and the O’s and Nats are having a (premium-priced) battle to see whose pitching is the worst.

There, we feel better now. Happy Memorial Day, everyone!

Pool chemicals send thousands to ER each year [CR]
96,000 pounds of ground beef recalled due to E. coli contamination [CR]
Once Exclusive, Now Public [WaPo]
(Photo: abbamouse)


Edit Your Comment

  1. Cybrczch says:

    Debbie, you’re such a downer!

  2. Canino says:

    Make sure that your burgers aren’t part of the 96,000 pounds of contaminated ground beef that was just recalled for e. coli.

    Done and done. Nothing but whitetail and axis deer burgers for me this summer.

    • farcedude says:

      @Canino: Personally prefer moose myself, but definitely with you in concept.

    • H3ion says:

      @Canino: Isn’t the whitetail the carrier for the Lyme disease tick? Eat a deerburger, destroy your nervous system. (g)

    • rockergal says:

      @Canino: Same here, Deer burgers only, no cow

    • Wombatish says:

      @Canino: Buffalo.

      Really lean, and honestly, the taste isn’t that far off beef, it’s easy to get used to.

      And then just substitute ground chicken or turkey for anything else. (Though I hate ground turkey, so f that).

      Those are just some suggestions I’ve been given at the grocery store/would give from working a grill in a restaurant for a year and living with a butcher. Personally? I’m checking my labels and eating the beef. /shrug.

      • RogerTheAlien says:

        @Wombatish: This is true. Buffalo is a really great substitute for beef. And I think it’s actually healthier, too. Not a doctor, but just what I’ve heard…not that I couldn’t do any of my own research on this series of tubes we call the interwebs. I’m just lazy.

        But buffalo is kind of pricy. So that’s a bit of a drawback.

  3. Tim says:

    Why is there only one post in the “wa wa waaaa” tag?

  4. KingPsyz says:

    Tell me about it!

    From yesterday through Monday I’ll have worked 48 hours with only sunday off…

  5. Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ) says:

    Eh, no big deal. Grill some country club on the pool, take a crisp clean dip in the public ground beef, and have brunch at the stadium eating horrible pitching.

    Sounds like a fantastic Labor Day after all!

  6. theblackdog says:

    Damn Alex, next you’re going to tell me I shouldn’t go to Kings Dominion because people are hurt on roller coasters (mostly by their own stupidity)

  7. Radi0logy says:

    Ok ok fine. Can I at least blow my own finger off with a bottle rocket?? Please? Pretty please???

  8. bornonbord says:

    “…people drink two-for-one Coors Light out of bottles, and snort lines of nacho cheese off of framed portraits of past club presidents.”

    Sounds like a normal week night to me (well, with PBR and republican presidents anyhow), why hold out for memorial day?

  9. Mike8813 says:

    Always happy to see knowledgable sports references on Consumerist. Keep it up!

  10. geoffhazel says:

    The best ever Memorial Day of my life was when I was about 10. This is back in 1960, little town of Fanwood New Jersey. So first I got up and marched with the Cub Scounts in the town Memorial Day parade. Then I went over to a friend’s house, and swam in his pool (back in NJ in 1960 pools were pretty rare). And THEN the next door neighbor kid who was older than me by a few years took me to the movies in Plainfield, the “big town” just next door. I mean, come on: Parade, swimming, movies?

    Years later I figured it out: the folks had arranged it all so they could do their own thing without me. The both passed away before I came to this conclusion, so I can’t confirm it, but it makes total sense. The swimming and movie thing never happened before or since.

    I wonder what fun thing THEY were doing without me?

  11. yevarechecha says:

    Even worse, the Orioles-Nationals matchup is on three different channels on my TV. Whoooo. Thank goodness we’re for some reason getting two Red Sox-Mets games. But is it the Matsuzaka-Santana matchup? Nooooo. That’s the only one we don’t get.

    Have fun with the premium pricing, Nats. I bet there are still only about 15,000 fans, even though it’s a weekend and the two fanbases are both within easy driving distance.

    • tbax929 says:


      I’ll be watching the Phils play the Yankees. I don’t know if it’ll be on television where I live, but I’ll watch on if necessary.

    • SodeDogg says:

      @yevarechecha: I’d love to go watch some Major League Baseball, unfortunately, I’ll be working all weekend. Granted, it will be for one of the afore-mentioned teams, so no beer.

  12. Taydin says:

    I can’t do any of the things listed above…it is going to rain here.

  13. Outrun1986 says:

    Still a little too cold to open up the pool here.. Last thing we want is people going to the ER for frostbite because people tried to swim when it isn’t warm enough to!

  14. unobservant says:

    Mr. Turtle pool, private rooftop patio, veggie portobello/mozzarella burgers from Loblaws, HD sports (if you’re into sports, which I’m not) and Canadian beer FTW!

    Oh, wait… our long weekend was last week.

    • unobservant says:

      @unobservant: And yes, Trai_Dep, you CAN put patios on igloos.

      • Trai_Dep says:

        @unobservant: But of COURSE!
        I mean, we lower-49ers don’t expect you guys to let passing-by killer whales birth their calves in your living rooms.
        I mean, you’re not savages.

        • Trai_Dep says:

          @Trai_Dep: (Alaskans, OTOH? Complete savages. They’ll not only let the whales birth in their living rooms, but they’ll make soup of the placenta and serve it to unwary guests.

  15. jozhua says:

    Poor country club members. What is this world coming to?

    • Erin Cummins says:

      @jozhua: Whatever will Charles and Mimi do? Won’t somebody *please* think of the selfish?

      • Murph1908 says:

        @Erin Cummins:

        Do either of you belong to a club or organization of any type?

        • superberg says:


          Having been to several country clubs in my formative years, I’m going to have to call their impressions pretty accurate.

          “No, you can’t read the books in the library.” “No, you can’t play on the tennis court.” “No, you can’t swim, the pool is closed today.” “Why are you running in the hallway?”

        • jozhua says:

          @Murph1908: No but I am trying to start a Pizza club. That article painted a bias picture in my head that played out like a slanted documentary. I can empathize somewhat with the couple I guess but all the condescending descriptions of the supposed public/lower class left a funny taste in my mouth… Or was that vegimite sandwich I just ate?

        • Erin Cummins says:

          @Murph1908: I worked at one, a golf course/hotel/pub/fancy restaurant.

          The members would order us around like servants (honest to god one of them snapped their fingers and called me girl once) and drink too much. They’d let their kids run around unattended and one woman got into a golf cart with her kids after drinking and rolled it over. Fortunately no one was seriously hurt, just a few bruises but still very stupid thing to do. Many of the members were new money wealthy and upper middle class who want to be thought of as wealthy.

          Now I understand that not all membership places are filled with douchebags. Several of my friends joined the Elk’s Club where they just hang out, drink cheaper drinks (compared to bar prices) and play pool. But I seriously doubt that if the Elk’s club became a public bar and decided to let anyone in, that any one of its members would turn up their noses the way the 2 in the article did.

          • Murph1908 says:

            @Erin Cummins:

            Your Elk’s club was precisely my point. If they DID open the club up to the public, I guarantee that you would have people complaining that they can’t find a waitress to get a drink, or the pool tables were always busy.

            They joined the Elks to have that level of service. If the service was compromised, they’d have a legitimate beef.

          • Murph1908 says:

            @Erin Cummins: Full disclosure. I joined a golf club last year. My brother is a pro at another club.

            My dad was a teacher, and my mom was a stay-at-home mom. We were not rich by any monetary definition, but my dad worked as an umpire, referee, house painter, and anything else he could do to afford a golf membership at our local course so we could play in the summers.

            I worked at that course, and several other country clubs during and after college.

            Yes, there are some snobbish asses. But honestly, the majority of people that I worked for, and now can afford to play with, are very kind, considerate, and personable.

  16. Tim Marvin says:

    snort lines of nacho cheese off of framed portraits of past club presidents.

    I just kicked the habit.

  17. Munsoned says:

    I was doing ok until the last one. The Os v. Nats item brought a tear to my eye.

  18. calquist says:

    I’ve been out of town every weekend the past month. I am looking forward to doing nothing excepting lounging in the AC, talking to my cat and watching an Arrested Development marathon (which I have been dreaming about doing again for quite a while).

  19. Murph1908 says:

    She’s crying because someone dressed her in a pink shirt, orange shorts, and yellow socks.

  20. umbriago says:

    If I want to be enticed to see a baseball “team” on pace to lose 112 games this year, I’d suggest the Nats give me $5 just to show up and let me in for free and give me a free hot dog. a GOOD free hot dog.

    And only use the pure stuff: the bright orange “cheese” packets in Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. It’ll blow your head clean off.

  21. Keith Morris says:

    This reminded me of the safety briefings we used to get before every holiday weekend when I was in the Air Force. Those weren’t quite as funny as this. Except maybe Lawrence’s. His were pretty funny. None of you know him.

  22. HogwartsAlum says:

    It’s supposed to rain heavily on Memorial Day here. I was going to set up my pool while I’m on vacation right now, but I might not fill it just yet, as all week looks rainy.

    As for bad holiday stuff, I burned my hand (large burn, on my knuckles) on the lawnmower. Hopefully that’s all the bad stuff I’ll have. I still haven’t had my skating lesson this week yet!

    • Trai_Dep says:

      @HogwartsAlum: A word to the wise: no matter how tempting Nude Ice Skating seems, resist. Sure, it sounds fun, until you need to explain to the doc how you got freezer burn in all the worst places.

  23. Rachacha says:

    This post reminds me of this guy…
    (But most of it can be played on the Radio)

    + Watch video

  24. parrotuya says:

    The weekend ain’t over yet! Beware!

    DOWn, baby, DOWn!