It’s Memorial Day weekend, the weather is looking nice, and people are leaving work early to hit the pool, fire up the grill, play golf, or enjoy our national pastime. We’re doing none of those things, so we thought we’d ruin it for everyone else.
Thinking about taking a dip in the pool this weekend? According to Consumer Reports, over 15,000 people went to the ER or had to call poison control after being injured by pool chemicals in 2007.
Maybe you don’t have a pool, but you were going to have a little backyard barbecue, grill up some burgers, and relax. Make sure that your burgers aren’t part of the 96,000 pounds of contaminated ground beef that was just recalled for e. coli. (Maybe you should just get some cheap steaks instead.)
If you were planning on escaping the slobs and hiding amongst the upper crust at your country club, you’re out of luck: the economic meltdown means fewer people are buying country club memberships, and they’re being forced to open up their golf courses, restaurants, and other services to the public. This one country club in Pennsylvania has pretty much become a dive bar: people drink two-for-one Coors Light out of bottles, and snort lines of nacho cheese off of framed portraits of past club presidents.
Oh and also, if you live in the DC area and were thinking about taking advantage of the nice weather to go see a baseball game, not so much for the home team but maybe they’re playing someone good, you’re out of luck: it’s interleague play and the O’s and Nats are having a (premium-priced) battle to see whose pitching is the worst.
There, we feel better now. Happy Memorial Day, everyone!