Walmart Sanctifies The Toy Aisle With Talking Jesus Action Figures

The Des Moines Register would like you to know that Walmart is test marketing some talking Jesus action figures. The dolls will set you back $14.97.

Will a talking Jesus action figure sell? A Walmart employee speculates: “There are some missing and I don’t think someone is going to steal them.”

He’s wearing a simple tunic with that Kenny Loggins haircut. Push the button on his back and he says this:

“I am Jesus. I am the son of God.”

Jesus and his shelf mates, Mary, David, Noah, Samson, Esther and Moses, make up “Tales of Glory.” They were introduced to secular commerce this fall. It’s the first time the world’s largest retailer has sold a full line of faith-based toys.”

We consider it a serious omission that Walmart is not also stocking talking golden calves.

Part of the made-in-China line are Barbie-sized dolls that speak verses and tell their stories for $14.97. Smaller nonspeaking figures sell for $6.97.

Just push the button. David says he was chosen by God to become a great king and carries a slingshot as a convincer.

Mary looks out with tender eyes beneath a baby blue head scarf. She also says she was chosen by God.

Moses, with big, bushy beard, says he got a message from God at a burning bush.

On the box for Jesus, these words are printed: “God’s Son” and “Fully Poseable.”

Can’t wait for Walmart to sell talking Jesus at a store near you? You can
already purchase Jesus and his merry bunch of holy folk on

Jesus doll sanctifies shelves at Wal-Mart [DesMoines Register]