Sprint Is The Suckiest Cellphone Company

According to Google, Sprint is the suckiest cellphone company. When you query “____ sucks,” filling in the name of different providers, Sprint returns the most results. Here’s how all the providers stacked up:

Helio: 427
T-Mobile: 745
Alltel: 3,500
Verizon: 20,000
AT&T: 22,500
Sprint: 31,000

Note that these results bear no discernible relation to the same companies tested against “___ is the coolest,” thereby underscoring this experiment’s utter frivolousness.

(Photo: Meghann Marco)


Edit Your Comment

  1. Nashville says:

    This is your suckiest article.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I would comment, but ATT might terminate my contract.

  3. blue_duck says:

    305,000 for “pelicans suck,” in response to my previous comment. I’ve learned something here. People like pelicans more than they hate them :P

  4. bpotterr says:

    It seems like these numbers should be normalized for the total number of subscribers. Maybe so few people think Helio sucks because so few people use Helio.

    Of course, if you’re admitting the experiment is frivolous anyway, I suppose it doesn’t matter.

  5. JRuiz47 says:

    Is it just me or does anybody else find it funny when the food restaurants want us to eat gain anthropomorphic qualities such as the Hot Dog King?

    Like the chicken wearing glasses on my plastic cup telling me “It’s all so good!”

  6. bambino says:

    This is the suckiest filler ever.

  7. Hoss says:

    @JRuiz47: Eating a cell phone is a bad idea

  8. kc2idf says:

    In addition to normalising the numbers for the total number of subscribers, you need to also address the fact that Sprint, Verizon and AT&T also provide other services that may, indeed, also suck.

  9. Trai_Dep says:

    RIAA sucks = 1,030,000

    Thinking that the Mt Everest of suckitude, I nontheless try:

    Walmart sucks = 228,000

    THAT seems low. Do we pick on Walmart too much? Or, an alternative spelling is needed?

    Wal-Mart sucks = 245,000

    Giving us 473,000 total.

    On a whim, we try, counterintuitively:

    Wal*mart sucks = 2,480,000

    BONANZA! (2,953,000 ttl)

    Which goes to show… The internets like asteriks?!

  10. JRuiz47 says:


    LOL. Then why do they call it “BlackBerry”?

  11. jwarner132 says:


    They were going to call it the “WhiteBerry”, but then they decided that some diversity would be good PR.

  12. RoCJester says:

    To quote a past article….

    Results 1 – 10 of about 42,400 for “Lowes Sucks”.


  13. RoCJester says:

    42,400 for “Lowes Sucks”.


  14. DashTheHand says:

    What exactly constitutes the ‘suckage?’

    I ask because Helio uses Sprint towers, and having one be ‘super great’ as noted by the other article and then the provider that it uses is the absolute ‘suck’ in another is odd.

  15. mandarin says:

    I used to use a Sidekick and one time I had to pass by the Danger (company that makes the Sidekick phone) compound in California, I checked my signal meter and what do I see? No signal! Right next to the company that makes the phone! Way to go T-Mobile!

  16. Saboth says:

    I dunno, I realize it’s a joke article, but I’ve had Sprint for 2 years now, and I’m generally happy with my coverage and fees. Now, I do think it is ridiculous what they have raised their text message rates to, so…I don’t text.

  17. SecureLocation says:

    No question that Sprint has the most suckiest customer service in the solar system

  18. girly says:

    Well, sprint has been around longer than helio so it had more time to rack up “sucks” references.

    I’ve had Sprint for nearly a decade and they’re usually pretty good day-to-day. The plans can be decent if you pick carefully.

    However, every time I’ve changed my plan or added a phone, I can count on having to make a series of calls to customer service and spent a couple of hours trying to resolve things. They usually mess up the billing at first.

    I’ve changed my plan 3 or 4 times, and it happens every time.

  19. Keter says:

    @Trai_Dep: asterisk (*) is a wild card search character. Wal*Mart sucks will find and string containing Wal(anything: dash, space, platypus)Mart in connection with the word sucks.

    My experience with Sprint so far has been entirely satisfactory. I got the plans I wanted at the price I wanted without an argument or any tricks, the service works flawlessly, the bills are easy to understand and exactly as I expect, and my cellular modem is often faster than my cable modem.

  20. SeattleGuy says:

    I’m not sure that AT&T *Cellular* deserves all of the 22,500 results. They have other businesses.

  21. joecoolest says:

    “t-mobile sucks” returns 755 results…
    “tmobile sucks” returns 1400 results…

    “t-mobile sucks” OR “tmobile sucks” returns 920 results…

  22. OwenCatherwood says:

    Speaking of cool/suckiest companies, how’s our portfolios of top/bottom customer satisfaction companies doing?

  23. girly says:

    keep in mind to ‘sprint’ is to run, maybe a lot of people hate running…

  24. Dr.Ph0bius says:

    This all gets really old. Pick any cell phone company, and you can always find people who have had bad experiences with them. My worst experience has been with Nextel, from a customer service standpoint as an individual. My corporate accounts with Nextel have been trouble free.

    Ive had issue with AT&T, T Mobile, and Verizon… I havent had a problem yet with Sprint, but that doesnt mean anything.

    The real “sucking” seems to be the recent crop of BS articles that have been featured here.

  25. Trai_Dep says:

    @Keter: hehe. of course. forgot that. :P thanks!