UPDATE: Verizon And Helio Are The Coolest Cellphone Company!

According to Google, Verizon is the coolest cellphone company. When you query “____ is cool,” filling in the name of different providers, Verizon is tits. Here’s how many results were returned for each company:

Alltel: 1
T-Mobile: 4
AT&T: 5
Sprint: 7
***WINNER*** ~ Verizon: 8 ~***IS COOL***
UPDATE: Oh yeah, and Helio. They got 8 too! It’s a tie!

We propose that henceforth, all companies interested in gauging their market penetration should subject themselves to the “is cool” test.

By way of comparison, “Apple is cool” returns 11,700 results, beating “Jesus is cool” at 10,700. Ergo, Apple is cooler than Jesus. But Apple is not cooler than cats. Cats win, at 20,200. We, however, are not cool at all. “Consumerist.com is cool” did not match any documents.

(Photo: Maulleigh)