Ridiculous Credit Card Fees From The Future

In recent Senate hearings, representatives took aim at the credit card industry for developing a matrix of fees designed to operate as income streams rather than merely recoup costs. Some of the contract verbiage regarding fees, our Senators said, are written at the 27th grade level. At the same time, everything is presented in a seemingly reasonable, and objective manner, reminiscent of the Machiavellian intent apparent in Parago’s patent application for a rebate system that, “provides a user friendly interface, yet retains hurdles sufficient to maintain breakage.”

Slowpoke takes aim at the credit card fee quagmire, and it makes us chuckle. — BEN POPKEN

New Credit Card Fees [SlowPokeComics] (Thanks to loreshdw!)


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  1. seawallrunner says:

    Coast Capital Savings in British Columbia (formerly Richmond Savings – a credit union) is focusing its marketing campaign with humor. This small credit union offers personal banking without any of the usual fees.

    Coast Capital web banner ad — “Thank you for noticing our banner ad. Banner-noticing fee: $2.81”

    Their radio ads are excellent, as they combine the horror of stupid fees with the nuisance of being placed on hold “Thank you for calling Big Bank. Your call is important to us. Please enter your card number followed by the number sign and a representative will help you. On Hold fee: $9.50 will now be billed to your account. Your call will be answered in … 97 minutes. Did you know that you can now bank online? Customer education fee: $25.00 will be billed to your account. Tired of needless fees? Our excellent One Fee program costs only $30 a month!” etc, etc, etc…

  2. ancientsociety says:

    Hilarious cartoon.

    Although, I hate the oft-misrepresented term “Machiavellian”, usually by those who have never actually read Machiavelli. Anyway, I digress.

  3. SkyeBlue says:

    I guess we all should be grateful that they haven’t found a way to bill us if we decide not to have credit cards! A “Non-usage fee!”.

  4. anatak says:


    I love the “You’re pre-approved to be our debt slave” part. Isn’t that in the contract already?

    Now, why does the movie “Sliver” constantly show up as being ‘related’ in Amazon’s ads on Consumerist. This has nothing to do with bad acting, or Billy Baldwin.

  5. krztov says:

    i found out about a fee that pissed me off today, maybe its common knowledge, but i only have had 1 credit card, i checked my capital one balance today and it said i was like 38$ over the max amount (i know, i need to get it paid off asap) but the problem is, they charged me an overlimit fee for their finance charge, thats retarded, anyone else have luck fixing something like this? thats like the bank charging you overdraft fees due to overdraft fees.

  6. infinitysnake says:

    I’ve read that this stuff is good for anosia, too…it’s been recommended to zicam users who want to smell again. ;-)

  7. infinitysnake says:

    @infinitysnake: Dammit, why does that keep happening? Every time I log in, that ancient comment resurrects!

  8. JustAGuy2 says:

    Frankly, I’m totally comfortable with all these fees – in fact, I think they’re great. They create the revenue stream that allows the CC companies to offer me nice cash back bonuses.

  9. GetGoGo says:


    About your cash back bonuses… some of that money you are getting back is taken right from the retailer where you use your card. I own my own business and am charged higher fees when someone uses a cash back bonus card. I guess it’s another way for the CC companies to stick it to the little businesses.

  10. SkyeBlue says:

    Gee, JustAGuy2, thanks alot! Now I have to sit and think to death the morality of my $25.00 Amazon.com gift card for every 2500 points that I earn on one of my credit cards!

  11. JustAGuy2 says:


    That’s the cost of getting my business. If you think having me as a customer isn’t worth it, you’re welcome not to accept credit cards.

  12. GetGoGo says:

    “Frankly, I’m totally comfortable with all these fees – in fact, I think they’re great. They create the revenue stream that allows the CC companies to offer me nice cash back bonuses.”

    Your point was that the credit card companies are giving you their money. My point was that they are really giving you, my money. And taking credit cards or not, these days, is hardly an option for any business anymore.

  13. Chicago7 says:

    I don’t understand why anybody has a credit card anymore. It’s seems like they have no customer service, don’t provide you with something you need, and keep adding hidden (or even not hidden) fees on a regular basis.

    But, I don’t understand why people still smoke cigarettes and I’ve NEVER understood why people smoke cigars, so maybe it’s just me.

  14. shoegazer says:

    It’s seems like they have no customer service, don’t provide you with something you need, and keep adding hidden (or even not hidden) fees on a regular basis.

    @Chicago7: For about ten years I resisted getting a credit card (other than the company issued cards for expense accounts and the like). I finally took the plunge when my bank offered me 0% on purchases for 9 months. Have never paid a fee, and never will.

    Fact is you shouldn’t get a credit card if you can’t afford it. The only things I use my card for are a) to smooth out my spending so that I’m never overdrawn on my account, b) to provide some level of fraud protection online so I don’t have to give away bank info.

    I always pay in full, etc. etc… the ideal situation would be that I never have to contact my CC company, ever, not even to raise my limit, because then I know I’m living within my means.

    When they start charging “paying on time fees”, it’s time for the scissors.

  15. acambras says:

    I just got a letter from HSBC. They had raised my APR 2 points, and when I called them to ask why, they wouldn’t tell me over the phone — said they were mailing me a letter.

    Here’s the meat of the letter I got:
    The new terms on your account include a higher annual percentage rate. This change was made to enable us to continue provide quality service and to ensure profitability. The change in your annual percentage rate was not based on individual characteristics or account performance.

    First of all, I don’t know what they mean by “continue to provide quality service,” because I don’t feel like I ever got quality service from HSBC in the first place.

    Second, “to ensure profitability” for whom? Certainly not cardholders.


  16. JustAGuy2 says:


    In other words, they raised their prices across the board. You’re welcome to continue to be a customer, or not, up to you.

  17. Kori Bustard says:

    Don’t forget, if you’re a consumer, you still pay the interchange fee indirectly, and you’ll never see a statement for it. And that you can’t avoid just by not using credit cards, since it has to be built into the price of all goods.

    Then interchange fees pay for rewards on top cards… so basically, little old ladies on fixed incomes are subsidizing your asshole neighbor’s vacation to Miami.