If one of these brands came alive, which would duck out of helping you move? Which one would take your last beer? Which would get your girlfriend to cheat on you? Which would point you out as a kulak to the Red Army?

How about, if one of these brands came alive, which would win in a duke-out in the streets of Tokyo? Now that would be our kind of survey, and HarrisPollOnline would probably get more revealing results. — BEN POPKEN

(Thanks to Jason!)

Want more consumer news? Visit our parent organization, Consumer Reports, for the latest on scams, recalls, and other consumer issues.