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Here’s how to obtain the highest levels of Apple Executive Customer Service. These people are empowered to perform magic, like replacing your machine or free out-of-warranty repairs.

Use but do not abuse this knowledge, please.

1) Call Apple Corporate: 408-996-1010
2) Ask the operator for Gene (like denim) Teluse, VP of Customer Care. She is Apple’s highest ranking customer service agent, and she reports directly to Steve Jobs.
3) Leave a nice message, include any Apple Case/Repair numbers you might have, or your machine’s serial number, and a callback number.
4) Wait ~24 business hours for one of Ms. Teluse’s minions to call.
5) Calmly explain your story, and what you want Apple to do.

Tipster Thirdgen adds that in general, Apple will not replace a machine unless it has been unsuccessfully fixed 3 or more times for the same issue, or several major repairs (i.e. a logic board, a screen, a top case as separate repairs).

These guys (and gals) are CR super-ninjas, so threats, yelling, cursing, and generally rude behavior has no effect on them.

Want more consumer news? Visit our parent organization, Consumer Reports, for the latest on scams, recalls, and other consumer issues.